One and Done?

It figures I would have something to actually talk about the day AFTER blog day. So this week, you get a two-fer.

I come from a large family. A loud, proud, Catholic clan - we were well known within our church and school communities growing up and still have significant ties to those today. And I love it. I've always loved it. Growing up with four siblings was nothing short of magical. The shared rooms and shared secrets, the passed down clothing and toys, and even the epic fights were all part of an experience I wouldn't trade for the world.

So why am I so hesitant to even think about another child of my own? Even though my own daughter is not even eight months old, I still often get the question about when we are thinking about having another one. Another one? But I JUST had this one. I JUST spent 9 uncomfortable months, 10 days in hospitals and 7 weeks on bed rest growing and nurturing my current child, didn't I?

I love her so much. To say I would do it all over for her is a given in my mind. For her. For my sweet V, who loves yogurt and the good morning song from Singing in the Rain. But would I want to do it again for another baby? Honestly, I don't know anymore.

Am I terrible for saying that? It never occurred to me that I would stop at one child. Everyone tells me, "well it's so soon - you'll change your mind when she's older and things get easier."

Will I? Maybe. Maybe when she's 18 months, and walking around and singing to herself in the galoshes I'm certainly going to buy her because they're too cute, I'll wish a baby sibling for her to sing to. I'll remember holding her tiny body in my arms at 3am, so tired and so happy, and wish for that experience again.

Or maybe I won't. Maybe I'll look at her and be so content, and so thankful that the days of reading body language and learning her cries and ordering formula and feeding pureed food are long gone, and this adorable creature that tells me she loves me is all mine to enjoy with no other distraction.

Selfishly, finances play a large part. One daycare expense is one thing, but two is basically twice my mortgage. A second baby would put a strain on our already stretched thin finances, and perhaps my 99 civic would just have to be repaired over and over and over because a new car is certainly not in the picture anymore. And where would we even fit a second baby in my civic? Would I have to stop working because the salary I make would only be paying for daycare? I like working. I want to work. I am a working mother.

I don't know how I'll feel 10 months from now. Maybe I'll say "I can't believe I ever even considered stopping at one!"

Maybe I'll still be hesitant and put it off a little longer. Or maybe the desire to have another child will never come back. Either way, I hope I'm supported from all angles in my decision, whatever it is. Because no matter what, I have a family. I have a wonderful husband, a dog, a cat and a beautiful angel of a child, and that's enough for me.

Happy Thursday everyone!

Love,
Dominique