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Tuesday, June 23, 2015

How One of the Most Embarrassing Things to Ever Happen In My Life Became One of the Luckiest

Good afternoon, and Happy Tuesday. Let me tell you, so far this week has been KILLING IT. I feel like I could be on an episode of Best Week Ever (RIP) and be awarded the title. I just hope all this goodness continues for a while!

But with that, I was reminded today via the lovely TimeHop app, that exactly 2 years ago, I was about to be fired for the first time in my life. I say the first time because it also wasn't the last.

I would say a big part of this is my secret shame. When I talk about my time with my old company, I don't speak of why I left, just that I left. And I don't speak of it often. Well today I break my semi-silence, because I know now how fortunate I was to be fired. Twice.

The shortened version is this: I worked for this company for 2 years, and was somewhat poached away to work in another office of said company for nearly a year. I had a baby, went on three months maternity leave (six of the weeks just on bedrest) and came back. When Violet was 4 months old, I was told it was not working out. However, the position I had left for this one happened to be reopened, so I was offered my old job back.

Six months after that, I was told it was not working out. Again. This time I was left without options, without dignity and without health insurance. The latter of which made me cry in the office. A decision I still regret, but emotions are emotions. And I had a 10 month old for goodness's sake. I was tired.

I went home and left Violet in daycare for her dad to pick her up later. As much as I wanted to see her sweet face, I needed some time to clear my head more. I took a nap, I ate some good lunch, and I watched TV. I didn't think about what had just happened or what it all meant. I would have time the next day to do that. And the next. And the next.

The next day, I got the ball rolling. I applied for unemployment, I looked into my individual healthcare options (Chris's family plan at work is not and will not likely ever be an option. The premiums are REDONK.) And then I started packing to go to Mobile for Christmas.

After I got the insurance thing settled for me and V that January, I spent 6 wonderful months being a stay at home mom, taking advantage of the system, and just relishing in the early days of toddlerhood with my girl. We knew it wouldn't last forever. We knew that eventually I would have to find work, but my husband being the wonderful man he is, discussed with me that part time was likely the best choice for us. He had seen how working full time with an infant had taken it's toll on me, and how much better we all were with me being home more.

So I started my search. I went to staffing agencies, I put the word out on social media, and I asked family and friends to be on the look out for me. I spent hours scouring the internet for openings, and went on some sketchy interviews. About 2 weeks before my unemployment was to stop, I got a text from a friend telling me of a job that was hiring for an afternoon position in an administrative field. The hours were a bit strange, but I sent in my resume and hoped for the best.

I was granted an interview, and got the call before I had even made it home that they wanted me for the job. I told them I needed to figure out childcare. We had dropped Violet's full time care out of necessity, and part time care was new to me. Somehow I managed to find a place that would work with my unusual schedule, so I called back and set up a start date.

That was almost exactly one year ago.

In that time, the following has happened:

My daughter grew taller, and I got to see it. My retirement account from my old company got cashed out, and I got to pay off the majority of our credit card debt. I get to eat breakfast at home, have adult conversations in the afternoon, and work with some of the kindest people I have ever known. My husband got the ball rolling on some great changes in his work, and for the first time, we could consider a second baby. I learned how to budget better than I had in my entire life. I learned how to prioritize and organize. I learned how to coupon, price shop and be content. I learned how to be happy.

Now, at the end of September, I will end my tenure as a working mother for an undecided amount of time, this time because it's my choice. I have to wonder if that would have been possible if I had stayed with my old company. Maybe it would have - or maybe I would still be caught up in so much of the old routine that not much would have changed. Sometimes it takes an unexpected shake up to make you realize what you really needed or wanted to do.

I'm not proud I got fired. There's always going to be a part of me that remembers for that period of time, I couldn't cut it. But I am proud that I can look back at the past two years, and feel that I made the best of what could have been a really crappy situation. I didn't jump back into a comfortable place, but instead tried to find a new comfort. And that gives me a lot of faith in myself, and my family.

Happy Tuesday, everyone!

Love,
Dominique

21 weeks and bumpin' large and in charge



Monday, June 15, 2015

Oh, How I've Envied You, Moms of 'Older Kids.'

I took my 2 year old to the beach for the first time in her short life this past weekend. Sure, she's been in the water, and played in a man made tiny beach at the house we spent the last week in. But yesterday, we decided it was time for her to the see the "real" beach. The big beach, full of white sand that our region is known for, and the salty gulf water with the tumbling waves.

First of all, she loved it. She got the full experience of white hot sand, discovering broken shells, being knocked down by a few rogue waves, and having your last piece of snack fall into the sand right before you were going to take a bite. She kicked and screamed when we had to head back, even though we had spent a good two hours in the blazing heat making mermaid tails on her cousins and looking for starfish.

Her dad and I were D-O-N-E.

As I sat there on my towel in my maternity swimsuit, getting a terrible shoulder sunburn that I wouldn't discover until much later, I watched how my husband treaded carefully in front of her at all times, watching her every move, should he have to rescue her at some point.

My eyes wandered a little further down the beach, to a couple sitting under some beach umbrellas, sipping their drinks, and periodically shouting "Watch your SISTER!" to the three playing children by the water.

Ah, the coveted life phase of having "older kids." The phase where your children are old enough to not need your constant supervision, but young enough to still entertain you with their enthusiasm and wonderment.

I'm sure you paid your dues. I'm sure you went to the beach once or twice when they were really little, dragging behind you an entire arsenal of sunscreens, sunglasses, hats, buckets, towels, snacks, sippy cups and cover ups. I'm sure you looked down the beach at the college kids and single folks, blissfully listening to their music players (whatever the era was into at that point) and silently cursing how pale you are now, because you would rather have everyone think you are a ghost than parent with a sunburn.

And yet, when I see you there - I can't help but feel a twinge of jealousy. As if you somehow magically got there. As if you somehow skipped all of these "baby years," and everything has always been this relaxed for you. "WHAT'S YOUR SECRET, DAMMIT?!" I think in my head. "How are you enjoying yourself completely AND getting to experience parenthood?" Aren't the two mutually exclusive?!"

Now before you tell me to count my blessings, I know, I know. I am incredibly grateful for these memories, and I am incredibly grateful for my toddler, tantrums and all. I love her in every phase, and I am truly happy. But I'm not going to sit here and type this out like it's an instagram memory, all hazy filters and happy hashtags. That beach trip was a once in a year experience, and not because I'm too far away for it not to be. But because it was equally joyful and frustrating, happy and anger inducing, relaxing and stressful all at once.

But I know it's only a matter of time. One day not far from now, I'll (hopefully) be sitting on a beach, under an umbrella and sipping something (preferably alcoholic) and watching with complete bliss (and probably still a few nerves) as my children play independently on the sand and water.

And I'll probably look at the younger mom, the exhausted one wrestling her toddler to the ground as they struggle to put on a third layer of sunscreen, and then waddle closely behind them like a mother hen herding her chicks near the water, and remember how it felt to have young kids, and how I miss when they needed me so much.

Everything is a gift, even the harder times.

Happy Monday Everyone! Especially you, moms of little ones. Our day in the shade is coming!