How's it going? I bet you're pretty busy this time of year, so I appreciate the time you're taking reading this for me. Your workshop's pretty advanced, right? I assume so, since wooden rocking horses and rubber balls have been replaced by Ipads and smartphones under most children's trees these days.
Anyway, I was wondering if you could help me with a few things this year. See, I've got a 9 month old little girl, and she is the light of my life, but Santa, boy do I ever need some help. I'm including a list of things that you could consider bringing me this year, if you deem me as being a good girl. I've tried, Santa. I really have. I have only said excessive swear words inside my head, and I've only threatened to take pug to the glue factory once or twice. And I tried to add that it was only for a tour, as I felt bad about threatening it in the first place.
So, without further ado, here is my Christmas list:
1) An invisible "safety bubble" to put around my kid. She's not crawling yet, but she sure is mobile. Nothing will make you realize what a death trap your house is like part of your heart reaching for every bit of glass on the floor and amazingly quickly making her way towards the long basement stairs. I'm afraid if I baby proof the house instead of her, I'll be walking on bubble wrap well into her teenage years.
2) A baby chef. I don't care what I eat, Santa. I'm perfectly content with mac and cheese and Totinos pizzas for the rest of my years, but I want my baby to eat well. However, this is an issue as I don't know how to cook anything. Table foods are the scariest part of her development right now.
3)A personal speech coach. So far, the only words sweet V is saying these days are "mama," dada," and her personal favorite, "Uh oh." I still have no idea how to teach my kid how to talk. I also have a very real fear that she will assume that pug's voice is how normal people talk, seeing as Chris and I have entire conversations with our dog. I'm also concerned she'll start calling me "Boo."
4) A maid. For obvious reasons. Particularly one who loves washing bottles and cleaning bathrooms. And sweeping up pug tumbleweeds of fur. I'll still do all of the laundry. I have a fondness for folding onesies.
5) Something, ANYTHING, with buttons, that resembles the TV remote or my cell phone that is ok to get slobbered on, bitten, and thrown around. Because sweet girl seems to want nothing else.
6) Mary Poppins. I need a break every now and then, and I would love to catch a movie. I hear the new Hunger Games is pretty good.
7)A teleporter. I know, this one is a bit much, but Santa - the four hour drive to Mobile is B-O-R-I-N-G. And I miss my family. I would be willing to forgo Mary Poppins for this one, as my sweet mom and mother in law would be more than happy to let us catch the Hunger Games while they spend time with their granddaughter.
8)An endless formula fountain. Even though V will only be on formula for a little while longer, I could donate it someone else in need whenever we are finished with it. We use Simply Right Sensitive from Sam's Club. In case you were wondering.
9)A diaper genie that magically dispenses CLEAN diapers. Imagine the possibilities! Go green, Santa. Pop one dirty one in, and out comes a clean one. Yes, I know I could just use cloth diapers. But if you're going to suggest that, then I'm going to need the maid to help out more with laundry.
10) Just Dance 2014. For the Wii. I love to dance.
Gee, thanks Santa! You're the best. I realize that not all of these are possible, so if I had to choose, I would say priorities are Teleporter, safety bubble, baby chef and Just Dance 2014. I promise I'll be extra good for the next few weeks. Happy Tuesday!
Love,
Dominique
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