A Clueless Mom vs Irrational Fears

Good morning!

There's something that's been really bugging me lately. I have a few irrational fears. Most of them related to really unlikely situations, like my fear of whales or my fear of getting burned by a cigarette in a crowded bar (granted, that one has subsided considerable since smoking indoors was banned in most places in Alabama, and I never go to crowded bars anymore.)

However, a lot of my more irrational fears are now concerning my daughter, and mostly her development. The latest one is the fact that she is now over 1 (by a whopping 11 days!) and she is still not walking. 

I have daydreams of her being a toddler-sized crawler, getting her knees and hands filthy wherever she goes and picking up every shard of something sharp she can find in the carpet or hardwoods and eating them immediately. Because that's what happening now. It doesn't help that a lot of other mommies with babies her age are posting their first steps videos (sorry, mommies, I don't blame you - and I'm proud of your little babes!) and I'm still dealing with the "stanky leg."

It's disheartening because she's so smart in other areas. She picks up words, she eats like a champ, and she plays with her toys in a way that makes me know she has focus and is a thoughtful thinker. She just doesn't have an interest in walking yet. It's also a little bit limiting. Trips to the park are mostly me keeping other kids from stepping on or over her, and even our snow day was cut short and sweet by me not wanting her to crawl around in the cold fluff. 

I know I am not alone. I know that a lot of kids don't walk by one, or even 15 months or sometimes 18 months, and that's perfectly normal. But try telling that to a mom. That's the thing about an irrational fear - the fact that it's unfounded doesn't make it any less scary, unfortunately. 

I've kept this to myself (with the exception of a few close friends and family that I confide in) because, honestly, I thought I was being silly. And a little bit selfish. Who am I to worry about my 12 month old not walking yet, when their are people I know personally dealing with much bigger issues? But that's the point of this blog, as always. To put it out there - no matter how I think people may react to it. This blog helps me to put into words what my brain sometimes can't process in thoughts alone, and maybe to get and give a little encouragement every now and then. 

So there it is. My baby is not a walker, and it worries me. I guess all I can do is keep working with her, and trust that she'll do it when she's ready. And that she won't end up like this:

Happy Tuesday, everyone!

Love, 

Dominique 

Naptus Interruptus

The title of this blog is my made up Latin phrase way of wondering if it's ok to break our nap routine to do the occasional outside activity.

Toddlers are anything but convenient. My days are often spent in a seemingly endless routine of wake, feed, play, nap, wake, feed, play, nap. Sound familiar? Yes, because it's the same thing that has been going on since she was born.

However, with her being so much more active now, I treasure nap time as much as any parent. She naps twice a day, and we've gotten really good about going down at the same time, and often now without a fight. So the thought of me losing that time to myself is - in a word- tragic. However, a lot of the outside activities privy only to the unworking are scheduled smack in the middle of her nap times, so a lot of our days are spent at home, or on errands that I can schedule like shopping.

I guess what I'm trying to ponder is, how bad is it to break routine to make a story time or go swimming twice a week? Will I ruin my good thing I've got going? I know this a temporary problem as she will likely drop a nap soon enough, but at the moment is it really salting my stay at home mom game.

Thoughts?

Short and sweet today, friends. What can I say? All is well in mom land.

Happy Wednesday!

Love,
Dominique

One Year of Parenthood: What I've Learned

Good morning everyone! I hope everyone in my neck of the woods is staying warm and cozy. We haven't seen this much cold weather since...well ever, really. We Southerners are not well equipped for this.

But it makes for a perfect morning to sip on my coffee in the playroom and reflect on the past year. To say this year has been a doozie is the understatement of my life. My sweet V turns one year old this upcoming Friday, and it has been a little emotional around here. So here I am to share my wisdom, my experience, my faults, my victories and my hopes and my fears with  you based on the best year of my life. Happy Birthday, baby boo.

1) This train don't stop. Every night at 7pm, I look forward to putting the baby down to bed, grabbing a glass of wine, putting on some netflix and....begin the google search for the most highly recommended toddler toothbrush. As I was doing this very thing the other night, I suddenly remembered our need for blackout curtains during nap time, and I asked my husband if he knew where ours were. "Can you stop momming for a second?" he said. No, I can't. Sigh.

2) My daughter isn't going to do anything she isn't ready to do. Patience is a virtue they say, but nothing will teach you patience more than a child. They seem to grow in spurts so fast that you can barely keep up, and then come to a sudden halt where you can hear the ticking of the clock while you are waiting for the next milestone. I have been ready for my daughter to walk for a long time. She is not. And even though I work with her a little bit, I've learned it's pointless to worry. She's as stubborn as a mule, and she gets that from me. And I have to admit that while it is frustrating, I'm a bit proud - she'll be tough.

3) Mothers need other mothers. No matter what stage you and your baby are in, you need help from someone occasionally. Whether it's a phone call to a friend with an older one about a tylonal dosage or someone calling you about sleep training, it's important to help each other out. This also applies to strangers. Whenever I see a mom struggling with a stroller stuck in a story doorway, or her baby is throwing their toys in every direction, I stop and help her. No matter how full my arms are too. Because she needs me, and it's this understanding that we know what's going on.

4) You have to develop thick skin. Not only to protect yourself from others who don't know your situation, but to keep your sanity. Every sick baby, every hurt baby, every dying or missing or neglected or abused baby is my baby. I say this is the sense that I immediately imagine it being my own child. And it's so hurtful. But it also helps us to become significantly more empathetic, and to count our blessings.

5) And on that note, I am strong. I think about what I would do if I were that parent. Would I be able to handle it? Would I be able to do what I needed to do for my child? Yes. Because it if it's one thing motherhood will make you, it adaptive. Everything changes so frequently that if you are willing to flex a little bit, you'll never keep up. I didn't expect to go into labor at 31 weeks, and I didn't expect to have the threat of a premature baby looming over my head, but it happened and I adjusted. I prepared myself for having to deal with that. And I wasn't scared. I'm lucky that the situation didn't fully play out and I kept her in till full term, but it taught me that I am stronger than I think.

6) There are still a million ways you can screw up your kid, but honestly, most of them won't. If I give her pizza for dinner, or don't read her a book before bed, or forget a heavy coat and hat in the cold weather, sure, I'll feel a pang of regret. But she's fine. They aren't as breakable as we think they are. Keep them fed, keep them clothed, keep them loved and keep them sheltered. The rest is small potatoes - and will work itself out.

7) I'm still not ready to do it all over again. Even though I've truly enjoyed every minute of the last year - even the ones that at the time I really didn't enjoy - the thought of starting over with a new one is overwhelming to say the least. Not to say I couldn't do it. I absolutely could, and would probably be even better at it the second time around, but I'm still really into V right now. I love watching her grow and learn new things, and I'm not ready for anything to take away from that yet. I applaud moms with the emotional efficiency to balance their love among multiple kids. I've got to tunnel all of my mine into this one right now.

8) Some things matter, and some things don't. I buy name brand diapers for V, but only because the one time I got store brand, she got the worst and only diaper rash of her life. I buy Sam's Club brand formula for her, and she is GREAT with it. It's cheap, it's generic, and I'm feeding it to my kid, but she has never had a problem with it. Different things are going to affect different babies. We can't go all cheap all the time, but we can cut corners on some stuff. You live and you learn.

9) I don't have to make excuses for my motherhood mistakes. "Oh, I don't take Violet to the park because she's not walking." I don't take Violet to the park because it's cold, and I don't want to go to the park, and she's perfectly content and safer in her cozy indoor playroom. She's happy, I'm happy. There's no right way to do things when it comes to your parenting style, and it's better to just own that. It will let other moms know that they can admit they don't always feel like going to the park, and maybe let their child watch a little too much Curious George too some days.

10) Me and God talk. A lot. Mostly it's me asking Him to make her go back to sleep, or stop crying, or eat the rest of her dinner and quit feeding it to the dog. But we get deeper too. Whatever your stance on the Big Guy, I personally like having someone to talk to even if I never really hear Him answer back. I've seen a lot of bad things this year, and a lot of really good - and it's brought me closer to a faith, even if I still haven't been able to fully express that. It's nice to put trust in someone other than myself or my husband, even though I know both of us are going to come through.

11) "Every person or thing that rejects you is really just pushing you in the right path." I saw this quote in an article from a female comedian about her experiences with rejection, and this year I've learned that it's more true than I've ever known. Every failure in one department just pushes me towards the right choice, and while it still feels like a failure, eventually I realize what a blessing it was.

12) We've got a looooong way to go. I expect year two to be just as interesting as year one, maybe more. I hope it will be filled with funny moments for me to write about, and I hope it will be full of struggles for me to share with you, because the bad is just as important as the good. All I know is I am psyched  about it.

Thanks for listening as always! Happy Wednesday!

Love,
Dominique

I'm Not That Good at Commemorating

Looking back on the first year of my daughter's life - which is coming to a point this Valentine's Day - I have more than a few mommy regrets.

Most of them forgivable. I brought her to school with a disguised fever once or twice. I let her nails get a little too long and she woke up with tiny scratches on her face like she had been attacked by semi-sleepy kittens. You know, tiny things like that.

But one thing I do kind of regret is how little I scrapbooked this year. I've never been great at that. I still have undeveloped disposable cameras from high school and college in a box somewhere in my parent's house. Who knows what's on those treasures? It's like a time capsule. But I doubt that one day I will be sitting around and lamenting the fact that I don't have those 20 pictures of me and my high school crew laying in colored leaves on our junior year Williamsburg trip.

I do think that one day I will still regret not keeping all of Violet's doctor report cards with her statistics, or getting her foot stamped on her first day of life, or even getting newborn pictures taken. I didn't write down her first word (which I think was "uh-oh,") or could even tell you exactly when she started crawling. Newer moms ask me "When did Violet start sleeping through the night?" and I'm like, "uuuuuh, 4 months?" I have no idea. She just did at one point and I was so grateful.

I'm even totally slacking in the party planning department. I have ordered her cake, thank God. I called the woman that my sister recommended yesterday, and the conversation went something like this:
Me:"Oh, hello. I wanted to place an order for my daughter's first birthday coming up on the 14th. But her party will be the 15th. In mobile. I'm in Birmingham right now."
Lady: "Ok. How big do you need one?"
Me:"Um, (doing the mental math I certainly didn't do before hand) I guess about 25 people?"
Lady: "Ok. what do you want on it?"
Me: (panicking slightly inside) "Well I guess there are two ways I could go with this. She's a Valentine's baby so we could do something like that. Or she has this favorite book that would be cute. I don't know. I'm sorry, I didn't really think this through."
Lady: "haha, that's ok. What's the book?"
Me: "It's about like a mouse and a strawberry and this bear."
Lady:"Never heard of it. Could I google it?"
Me:"I mean, it's a pretty popular book. But there's one part where the strawberry is disguised in one of those glasses with the nose and the mustache. She thinks that part's pretty funny."
Lady:"Um, ok. Well a specific page would be harder. Could you email it to me?"
Me: (assuming the internet won't fail me) "Sure thing. I'll send you an email with the pic. And the details." (Yes! A chance to compose myself and my thoughts on email, my only friend)

So we're good there, probably. I did find the picture, and I was more specific in the email, but I gave her total creative control so we don't know what we're getting. Here's hoping it's cute. I'm pretty sure it will be.

My point is, I'm on my first (and maybe only) child, and I'm already treating her like the 5th. Why am I so bad at this? Am I alone? I'm southern, dammit. I'm supposed to put her in oversized bows and dresses on the daily and practically live at Hobby Lobby. I'm supposed to have everything monogrammed and smocked.

Oh well. I may have failed her this first year in that department, but on the 15th, we'll at least be celebrating the fact that I kept her alive and well for an entire year. And maybe year two I'll be a little bit better about keepsaking the memories.

Happy Thursday everyone. I've got to go get ready for a mom date to the library story time and lunch.

Love,
Dominique