There's something that's been really bugging me lately. I have a few irrational fears. Most of them related to really unlikely situations, like my fear of whales or my fear of getting burned by a cigarette in a crowded bar (granted, that one has subsided considerable since smoking indoors was banned in most places in Alabama, and I never go to crowded bars anymore.)
However, a lot of my more irrational fears are now concerning my daughter, and mostly her development. The latest one is the fact that she is now over 1 (by a whopping 11 days!) and she is still not walking.
I have daydreams of her being a toddler-sized crawler, getting her knees and hands filthy wherever she goes and picking up every shard of something sharp she can find in the carpet or hardwoods and eating them immediately. Because that's what happening now. It doesn't help that a lot of other mommies with babies her age are posting their first steps videos (sorry, mommies, I don't blame you - and I'm proud of your little babes!) and I'm still dealing with the "stanky leg."
It's disheartening because she's so smart in other areas. She picks up words, she eats like a champ, and she plays with her toys in a way that makes me know she has focus and is a thoughtful thinker. She just doesn't have an interest in walking yet. It's also a little bit limiting. Trips to the park are mostly me keeping other kids from stepping on or over her, and even our snow day was cut short and sweet by me not wanting her to crawl around in the cold fluff.
I know I am not alone. I know that a lot of kids don't walk by one, or even 15 months or sometimes 18 months, and that's perfectly normal. But try telling that to a mom. That's the thing about an irrational fear - the fact that it's unfounded doesn't make it any less scary, unfortunately.
I've kept this to myself (with the exception of a few close friends and family that I confide in) because, honestly, I thought I was being silly. And a little bit selfish. Who am I to worry about my 12 month old not walking yet, when their are people I know personally dealing with much bigger issues? But that's the point of this blog, as always. To put it out there - no matter how I think people may react to it. This blog helps me to put into words what my brain sometimes can't process in thoughts alone, and maybe to get and give a little encouragement every now and then.
So there it is. My baby is not a walker, and it worries me. I guess all I can do is keep working with her, and trust that she'll do it when she's ready. And that she won't end up like this:
Happy Tuesday, everyone!
Love,
Dominique
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