But it makes for a perfect morning to sip on my coffee in the playroom and reflect on the past year. To say this year has been a doozie is the understatement of my life. My sweet V turns one year old this upcoming Friday, and it has been a little emotional around here. So here I am to share my wisdom, my experience, my faults, my victories and my hopes and my fears with you based on the best year of my life. Happy Birthday, baby boo.
1) This train don't stop. Every night at 7pm, I look forward to putting the baby down to bed, grabbing a glass of wine, putting on some netflix and....begin the google search for the most highly recommended toddler toothbrush. As I was doing this very thing the other night, I suddenly remembered our need for blackout curtains during nap time, and I asked my husband if he knew where ours were. "Can you stop momming for a second?" he said. No, I can't. Sigh.
2) My daughter isn't going to do anything she isn't ready to do. Patience is a virtue they say, but nothing will teach you patience more than a child. They seem to grow in spurts so fast that you can barely keep up, and then come to a sudden halt where you can hear the ticking of the clock while you are waiting for the next milestone. I have been ready for my daughter to walk for a long time. She is not. And even though I work with her a little bit, I've learned it's pointless to worry. She's as stubborn as a mule, and she gets that from me. And I have to admit that while it is frustrating, I'm a bit proud - she'll be tough.
3) Mothers need other mothers. No matter what stage you and your baby are in, you need help from someone occasionally. Whether it's a phone call to a friend with an older one about a tylonal dosage or someone calling you about sleep training, it's important to help each other out. This also applies to strangers. Whenever I see a mom struggling with a stroller stuck in a story doorway, or her baby is throwing their toys in every direction, I stop and help her. No matter how full my arms are too. Because she needs me, and it's this understanding that we know what's going on.
4) You have to develop thick skin. Not only to protect yourself from others who don't know your situation, but to keep your sanity. Every sick baby, every hurt baby, every dying or missing or neglected or abused baby is my baby. I say this is the sense that I immediately imagine it being my own child. And it's so hurtful. But it also helps us to become significantly more empathetic, and to count our blessings.
5) And on that note, I am strong. I think about what I would do if I were that parent. Would I be able to handle it? Would I be able to do what I needed to do for my child? Yes. Because it if it's one thing motherhood will make you, it adaptive. Everything changes so frequently that if you are willing to flex a little bit, you'll never keep up. I didn't expect to go into labor at 31 weeks, and I didn't expect to have the threat of a premature baby looming over my head, but it happened and I adjusted. I prepared myself for having to deal with that. And I wasn't scared. I'm lucky that the situation didn't fully play out and I kept her in till full term, but it taught me that I am stronger than I think.
6) There are still a million ways you can screw up your kid, but honestly, most of them won't. If I give her pizza for dinner, or don't read her a book before bed, or forget a heavy coat and hat in the cold weather, sure, I'll feel a pang of regret. But she's fine. They aren't as breakable as we think they are. Keep them fed, keep them clothed, keep them loved and keep them sheltered. The rest is small potatoes - and will work itself out.
7) I'm still not ready to do it all over again. Even though I've truly enjoyed every minute of the last year - even the ones that at the time I really didn't enjoy - the thought of starting over with a new one is overwhelming to say the least. Not to say I couldn't do it. I absolutely could, and would probably be even better at it the second time around, but I'm still really into V right now. I love watching her grow and learn new things, and I'm not ready for anything to take away from that yet. I applaud moms with the emotional efficiency to balance their love among multiple kids. I've got to tunnel all of my mine into this one right now.
8) Some things matter, and some things don't. I buy name brand diapers for V, but only because the one time I got store brand, she got the worst and only diaper rash of her life. I buy Sam's Club brand formula for her, and she is GREAT with it. It's cheap, it's generic, and I'm feeding it to my kid, but she has never had a problem with it. Different things are going to affect different babies. We can't go all cheap all the time, but we can cut corners on some stuff. You live and you learn.
9) I don't have to make excuses for my motherhood mistakes. "Oh, I don't take Violet to the park because she's not walking." I don't take Violet to the park because it's cold, and I don't want to go to the park, and she's perfectly content and safer in her cozy indoor playroom. She's happy, I'm happy. There's no right way to do things when it comes to your parenting style, and it's better to just own that. It will let other moms know that they can admit they don't always feel like going to the park, and maybe let their child watch a little too much Curious George too some days.
10) Me and God talk. A lot. Mostly it's me asking Him to make her go back to sleep, or stop crying, or eat the rest of her dinner and quit feeding it to the dog. But we get deeper too. Whatever your stance on the Big Guy, I personally like having someone to talk to even if I never really hear Him answer back. I've seen a lot of bad things this year, and a lot of really good - and it's brought me closer to a faith, even if I still haven't been able to fully express that. It's nice to put trust in someone other than myself or my husband, even though I know both of us are going to come through.
11) "Every person or thing that rejects you is really just pushing you in the right path." I saw this quote in an article from a female comedian about her experiences with rejection, and this year I've learned that it's more true than I've ever known. Every failure in one department just pushes me towards the right choice, and while it still feels like a failure, eventually I realize what a blessing it was.
12) We've got a looooong way to go. I expect year two to be just as interesting as year one, maybe more. I hope it will be filled with funny moments for me to write about, and I hope it will be full of struggles for me to share with you, because the bad is just as important as the good. All I know is I am psyched about it.
Thanks for listening as always! Happy Wednesday!
Love,
Dominique
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