I've been in a bit of a funk lately. Sure, most of you know about this blog through facebook, and my happy Funtober and most recently, my gorgeous posted professional pics of Miss V may show me as otherwise, but that's the whole thing about facebook, right? We only post our happiest selves. Did you know there's an actual study about social-media induced depression? It's true! But I digress.
The honest truth is that I certainly don't have it all together. Complete contentment with life is hard to come by, and anyone who tells you different is lying. Maybe only to themselves.
Sure, I'm happy. I can truly say that, maybe for the first time in a long time. My family has brought me joy is ways I didn't foresee possible. But sometimes I yearn for better things. Better job fulfillment, better wages, stronger friendships. I want to be stronger, both physically and emotionally, and I want to do it without lifting a finger or going through something so traumatic that I am forever changed. Is that so much to ask?! haha. Of course it is. We all have to work for what we want, even if we all sometimes wish that it would just happen if we will it to be so.
People love that quote "Be the change you want to see in the world." Whenever I see that on like a t-shirt or written in monotype corsiva in a pink block and posted to facebook, I always imagine the person posting it is thinking about people like Nelson Mandela or Mother Theresa. The big-leaguers who were striving to end world hunger and apartheid. But what happens if the change you want to see is just fair behavior in your office, or an end to all motherhood debates? I swear, world hunger seems easier to solve sometimes.
It's enough to get a workin' mom down. Lunch breaks spent at the pediatrician's. Sacrificing your "dedication" to your job that you can be home for the hour and a half before your kid goes to sleep to see them, or worse - sacrificing your time with your kid to get ahead at work. Factoring in the several vacation days each year that will actually be spent at home with your sick child, and calculating how many lunches you can skip to leave early enough to get to Mobile at a decent time when you do have to travel.
Alright, so those are very specific to me. Fair enough. But you get what I mean, right? I'm more imbalanced than even my lexapro can fix. It's hard, and eventually, it piles up on me. So I'm not perfect. Not that any of you thought I was. But I wanted to share my struggles, because as light-hearted as I like to keep things these days, this world bears on me like it does all others in my situation. And I need some prayers. And some help. And maybe someone to drink a whole lot of wine with, because Chris doesn't drink wine, and boy is it ever UNFUN to drink alone. And I promise to listen to you as you listen to me, and then we can move on the inappropriate subjects that are much, much more fun. And maybe watch 80s romantic comedies. Sound good? good.
Love,
Dominique
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