To say the past few weeks have been rough have been the understatement of my year. V has been sick, work has been crazy, and I'm living last few days in my twenties, although I have to admit my 30th birthday has been the lowest thing on my radar for a while now.
Let's start with V. It all started last Monday after a great weekend with my sister, brother in law and my two adorable nieces. My sister kept commenting on how good V was - she never cried unless she was tired or hungry, and even if she did, it was a soft cry that could be easily fixed simply by picking her up. I beamed with pride as she was on her best behavior for two whole days.
And then it started.
Runny diapers, runny nose, low grade fever. Calls from my daycare saying she wasn't acting right, bouts of inconsolable crying, and waking up every. single. night. at 3am.
What happened to my happy baby? The worst of it seemed to culminate at her 4 month appointment. She was acting fine at the doctor (don't they always? Symptoms magically disappear right when you need them to present themselves.) and hadn't even so much as coughed a little bit. Doc was very pleased with her growth, 50th percentile for weight, and 95th for height. We were raising a supermodel.
Seeing as she appeared fine, Doc decided to go ahead and give her her shots. That night all hell broke loose. Her fever spiked, she coughed so much that she projectile spit up. It was a scene straight out of The Exorcist. I thought maybe I should call my mother ( a devout Catholic since birth) who could recommend a priest, or at the very least, offer up some prayers to the G-man to help our sweet darling.
Still sporting a fever on Thursday, I did the noble thing and kept her home from daycare, even though I had a note saying she could go. I wasn't going to get other babies sick. I didn't wish this on any other mom. Unfortunately, this was a very important day for me to not miss work, so I took her in her carseat, gave her a lovey and prayed there would be enough people who think she's adorable to hold her and keep her quiet while I got work done.
After that, she, Chris and I packed up and headed to Mobile for the weekend. He had a tennis tournament, and I honestly couldn't handle this baby alone for three days by myself. So I enlisted the help of my mother.
Although her fever dissipated, and her diapers became normal, the cough had gotten worse and developed a rattling sound in her chest. I was worried. When would it end?
All the while this is going on on Friday, I was periodically checking my work laptop to make sure my cases were getting paid for - some people would argue is the most important thing- but it was hard with V feeling so crummy.
Then Black Monday rolled around.
Since her fever was gone, I resolved to take her to school, and visit the after hours clinic about the cough. I called and made the 6pm appointment, honestly nervous about what kind of care she would receive. I was frazzled. Sleep deprived, worried sick, and I hadn't had an appetite in a week. Not to mention my bosses had been all over my case about things slipping through the cracks. There was mention of a 30 day period in which we would "reevaluate if this is a good fit."
I saw the writing on the wall, so I tried my best to make a good decision and use my time wisely. But Black Monday had other plans. That talk happened about a week ago, but Monday afternoon I got the worst news of all.
I was being let go. They were going in a "new direction" that apparently didn't include me, but included someone else who would just be doing my job. I wasn't devastated. This wasn't a shock, although the timing could have been better. I was stoic, an inflectionless robot asking questions about how long I had left with them, and about the staff position they were trying to set up for me at our other office. The exact one I had left to come work for them.
That night we took V to the clinic, where she was diagnosed with a double ear infection and bronchiolitis. I cried, she cried, and two hours later we were leaving to go to the pharmacy for her antibiotics, and to get me some food. I felt exhausted. The kind of defeated exhaustion you feel after an "ugly cry" like the one I always have watching the opening sequence of the pixar movie Up.
So that's where we are. I'm in employment limbo (my bosses requested I continue to work for them until the new position starts around July 8th.) I have a meeting with my former boss about the position this afternoon, and I feel at peace for the first time in a while. I think this will be good for me. I've learned a lot working where I have been, but the anxiety was killing me. I'll be happier going back to my home at the main office.
Happy Wednesday everyone. Wish me luck!
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