To all of the gentlemen out there, particularly my husband.

Unless you've been living in a cave since Saturday night, more than likely you've seen/heard about the whole Miley Cyrus debacle at this year's VMA's. I'll be the first to admit that I lost interest in the VMA's long ago, as I have completely lost touch with most of music pop culture. I am old and uncool.

However, with all of the talk on social media these days, I learned of this provocative showing fairly quickly, and had to check it out for myself. The truth is I wasn't entertained. I wasn't shocked, or surprised. I just felt sad. I felt sad for this lost young woman who so desperately is trying to escape an image she has convinced herself was forced upon her. Now, I won't say I haven't fallen victim to the various fruits that have come from that tree since Sunday. Memes, articles, blogs, all of it. I've read it all. But now here's my take on the whole thing.

Miley, I don't know what is making you think you have to do this. I don't know who is convincing you that this is the way you behave and look to get attention and be taken seriously, but I am so thankful that I've never felt the need to do that myself. Now, of course a lot of that has come from the incredibly strong women in my life. My mother, my sisters, my dearest friends. But to all of the men that I rarely acknowledge, I'd like to thank the following people:

First, my dad. For being a provider, strong and silent, and for showing me that true love means reading the paper together every morning, and never running out of things to talk about.

Next, my father in law. Who loves his children with all of his heart, openly and unabashed.

Next, my brother. For always having my back, and trusting me to have the confidence I needed to command the respect that I deserved. And for learning to share a bathroom with four growing women. Bless your heart.

Next, to all of my male friends growing up. You treated me with respect, as an equal and as a friend. You made it easy for me to feel comfortable in mixed company, and really learn to be myself. Goofiness and all.

And finally, to my husband. My biggest fan, the love of my life, and, to use a horrible cliche, my rock. You are patient, respectful, loving and kind. You are smart, and selfless, and compassionate. You fell in love with me at a time when I didn't even love myself. You kept me close even when I pushed you away, convinced I didn't deserve to be happy. You gave me a roof, a ring, and a beautiful daughter, everything you had ever promised to me. You love me in my glasses, no makeup and unshowered, in pajama pants and an old tank top with a cold and a grouchy face.

I'm not worried about my daughter. She will grow up knowing that she was created perfectly, flaws and all, to be the person that she was meant to be. All I can hope is the young women out there like Miley Cyrus learn that lesson too before it's too late.

Happy Tuesday! Thank all of the strong men and women in your life who have made you the way that you are today!

Love,
Dominique

The holiday Trifecta now a QUAD...fecta?

For those of you who know me, The next few months of our upcoming lives are my absolute favorites of the year. Every August I start to plan what I like to call "The Holiday Trifecta," which is of course, Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas.

But it's so much more than that. We start with Funtober, a month so effortlessly fun, you literally don't have to plan anything to have the most amazing time. Don't fight the Funtober. Let the Funtober come to you. Football, Fall-tivities and Halloween top this list, and I decided to make it more awesome-r in my life by getting married, so now my anniversary gets to fall in Funtober.

Then we move on to Thanksgiving. The least pressured of all holidays (unless you're the chef), Thanksgiving is everything American stands for...literally. Copious amounts of food, family and no gifts required, followed by insane shopping sales and the Iron Bowl (only Alabamians will understand that.)

Christmas is self explanatory. Christmas is so awesome that it doesn't even wait until December to start. We just go right ahead and start decking the halls the day after Thanksgiving, because that's how America rolls.

But there's something we've missed of course. A nagging 30 days where the weather and your wardrobe are indecisive, we lament the end of summer and resent the lingering heat wave. September.

What to do with September? Do we just ignore it and hope it goes away? Do we start wearing those heinous sleeveless turtlenecks (your neck is cold, but your arms are hot? I don't understand!)

Well I, for one, am sick of it. I'm sick of just drifting through September like ghost in the LaLaurie Mansion of the New Oreleans (did I mention I plan on taking a Funtober ghost tour? It's going to be so cool! Ghosts, and history and voodoo.. Sorry. I digress.)

So I have decided to celebrate September for the only attribute it brings to the table. The return of fall TV shows.

I declare September "TV-Tember!" I shout it from the rooftops as I rain NBC, ABC, FOX and CW schedules all over the city. No, I don't really do that. But I am looking forward to the return of several of my favorite relate-able comedies and dramas. New Girl, Mindy Project, Hart of Dixie. Vampire Diaries, Modern Family, How I Met Your Mother. My heart palpitates with excitement of the impending endless conversations these new episodes with produce for me at work.

God bless you TV-Tember. You have saved what almost kills my Trifecta spirit every year.

Happy TV-Tember to all!

Love,
Dominique

Top Ten Baby Things I Couldn't Live Without

It's bloggy blog Wednesday, and honestly, I don't have a topic. But I love to write, so as I was thinking about adventures in mommyhood lately, I thought about how I've had two pregnant friends ask me recently for a list of the things I just couldn't live without to aid them in creating their registry.

I, too, had to do this, but my dear friend Katie did me the solid of actually going with me to create my registry. Since not everyone has recently pregnant friends that can go with them, I thought I'd compile a list of the top ten things I couldn't live without, and why.(In no particular order)

1) Swing/bouncer. The old tale that a new mother never sleeps is not really particularly true. Newborns sleep an average of 16-20 hours a day (unfortunately, mostly during the day), so you need something convenient to keep an eye on them and maybe be able to grab some shut eye yourself. (repeat after me: SLEEP WHEN THE BABY SLEEPS.) I had both of these and for the first 3-4 months, she adored her bouncer. Now it's the swing that allows me to do dishes for her evening nap. Babies have different moods just like everyone else, so offer a few different things. *Bonus* A colicky baby will sometimes sleep much better in an inclined position, so a swing or bouncer can aid with this.

2) Swaddle blankets. Nothing disturbs the peacefulness of a new baby more than the flailing of their still tiny arms. I, and several other friends, have the Aden + Anais brand linen blankets. They are sweet, breathable, large and soft. They also make excellent car seat covers for chilly days or quick trips to the store during cold and flu season.

3) Bottles. (I like Tommy Tippee, but a lot of people say good things about Dr. Brown) Even if you think you will exclusively be breast feeding, introducing bottles between 3 and 6 weeks is a MUST. Sure, you could get away with it, but bottle feeding will be a life saver in the following situations:
a) working mothers
b) lengthy road trips
c) long day trips
d) middle of the night feedings (yes, dad can help too now!)
Plus, anything can happen, and your baby may become a formula baby for whatever reason. Get them adjusted before it's too late.

4) Onesies and Footy sleepers. Yes, it's adorable when little babies wear tiny jeans and sweater vests. But keep in mind that you may be changing the clothes on said baby 3-4 times a day after they spit up and poop on everything. Not to mention the 10-12 diapers a DAY you'll be changing. Get something that's comfortable, washable, and easy to get on and off. Trust me.

5) A great, electric, double breast pump. I was fortunate enough to be able to borrow this, as they can be pricey - but if you want to breast feed, this will aid you tremendously. A single hand pump could take you anywhere from an hour to three hours to get what an electric pump could get in 30-45 minutes. And since a good pumper pumps at least three times a day - that's time you don't have.

6) A video monitor. Also a pricey item, a lot of people find this one unnecessary. I, however, LOVE my video monitor. Around 4 months, she started waking up in the middle of the night just talking to herself. To the untrained ear, this can sound a lot like the beginning of crying. With a video monitor, you can check your baby from the comfort of your bed to determine if you really need to get up, or they're just telling their dreams to the crib bumpers. Also, seeing Mommy or Daddy in the middle of the night might equate to playtime.

7)Burp cloths - you can not have enough of these! They will get used for EVERYTHING, from cleaning up spit up to wiping poop off of your hands. They will also get left all around your house, so it's important that one is handy when you need it.

8)A large diaper bag with lots of compartments. It's necessary to separate all of the little things that you need to keep baby happy on an outing for easy access. You don't want to run into a meltdown in Target for 30 minutes while you sit on the floor searching desperately for the soothie and gas drops.

9) A baby carrier. No, not the car seat. One for actual baby wearing. I have the ERGO, and love it. When she is being particularly needy and doesn't want to be put down, I can keep her close to my chest and still be hands free to do dishes or pick up around the house. Katie also uses hers for grocery shopping now that her little boy is too old/big to take in his car seat every time.

10) A stroller, or at the very least a stroller frame. The difference being one is designed to grow with your child, and one is simply a cheap set of wheels for your car seat. Car seats are heavy, and SHOCKER - they get heavier with your baby in them. For all of the doctor's visits, and trips around the neighborhood or shopping, a stroller is a must unless you want your arms to fall off. If you're a runner, get a jogging stroller. They're smooth rides for all terrain, so you can work on your fitness and show little Junior the world.

Of course there are the obvious things - diapers, wipes, towels and washcloths. But these are the things people may not think they need at first - and could end up being the sanity saver we new moms so desperately crave for the first year.

I hope you enjoyed my list. Happy Wednesday!

Love,
Dominique

6 Months of parenthood: What I've learned

My daughter is 6 months old today. Time flies, right? It seems like just yesterday I was pushing her little foot back in after she stuck it in my ribs for the one millionth time.

The past 6 months have been some of the happiest, saddest, most frustrating, most rewarding and most of all - confusing - times of my life. For all of you mothers out there, who have been there, are going there now or are about to be there - here's what I've learned over the first half of Violet's first year:

1) I can't do it all. I used to think I could multitask like a BOSS, but ever since this tiny, time consuming creature has come into my life, things have fallen through the cracks like never before. My house is rarely clean. My bills are barely paid on time. I am the most forgetful I have ever been in my life. Baby brain is very real, and it sometimes sucks. Which brings us to point number 2.

2) My brain is mush now. Anything not baby related is simply no longer a priority, and therefore does not earn a spot in my memory receptacles. This includes (but is not limited to) important dates, extra curricular activities, to-dos, promises, etc. I'm very sorry. I'm hoping this condition improves with time.

3) I want to be just like my mother. The age old joke of the fear of turning into your mother could be very real for you - if your mom is Joan Crawford. My mom, however, is one of the greatest people I've ever known. Not only does she rock at mom-hood, but she's an excellent wife, teacher, and productive member of society. She's the type of woman who can hold it all together, and make you believe you CAN do it all. Even if she can't. And we all know it. Because no mom can. Even the best ones.

4) I don't miss my so-called "freedom." Sure, I'd love to see a movie every now and then, but honestly having a baby has done nothing to hinder my enjoyment of life. I never was one to bar hop, or spontaneously take a trip somewhere. My cozy homebody life just now includes an adorable playmate who constantly wants to hang out with me, so, score!

5) I may never spend money on myself again. Amazing how five little onesies with various farm animals on them completely trumps my need for new work shoes. I may be ragged, but my daughter will always be in style!

6) Motherhood brings people together. I'm not saying it's some exclusive club, but it has prompted me to become closer to people I may not have before - simply over the shared experience of having a child. All children are different, but the frustration and confusion of it all can be eerily similar to what several other moms have gone through.

7)Being a working mother is incredibly hard. Much harder than I thought it would be. I've missed several days lately because she was sick, then I was sick, then she was sick, then I was sick. It's like having one half of your body somewhere else and exposed to new and different germs all of the time.

8) Sometimes I want things to pause and fast forward all at the same time. Some days when she's feeling particularly needy, and she doesn't want to be put down, and my arm is about to fall off from walking around with her attached to my hip, I just think "When will she be a little more independent?!" and then that same day as she's stretched across my lap asleep, her hands above her head and milk dribbling down her chin, I think "Why can't she stay this tiny forever?" It's a constant battle with myself.

9)I would die for my child. In a heartbeat. I wouldn't even hesitate to push her out from in front of a bus and take the hit myself. Her life is so much more precious to me than my own, and I intend to give her every shot at it she's got.

10) I have so very much more to learn. I've grown exponentially since I had my sweet baby, but I know now more than ever that it's only just beginning. In 6 more months she might be walking and talking and 6 more months from then she might be singing and dancing with rhythm (or not, I mean, she is MY kid), and then she'll be a toddler, and maybe a big sister. I know it will all go by in a flash, and as much as I think my life has changed now, I know things are only going to change more and more as she gets older. I guess I better get used to that. And always keep some wine stocked.

Happy 6 months, my darling baby. You're the best adventure I've ever had!

Love,

Dominique 

Happiness...is warm spit up all down the front of your shirt.

I got spit up on this morning. I had just given Violet her morning bottle, and had her little belly pressed against my shoulder hoping for a good burp. As usual, it didn't seem like it was going to happen, so I started to pull her away when I heard it. And then I felt it. The warm dribble that trickled slowly down the front of my neck.

I paused for a moment and closed my eyes, wondering how bad the damage was, and how I was going to clean up without getting her more messy. Then I pulled her back to look at her face, and I was greeted with a mouth covered in spit up in the biggest smile I had seen all morning. She thinks it's hilarious. And probably felt better. I couldn't help but treasure the moment.

I'm crazy, right? Being so happy in a moment that would have made me cringe and gag before I had her. This little human being has me so wrapped around her tiny finger that I find everything she does - including vomiting on me - totally endearing.

I've wanted to be a mom for a long, long time. I knew I wanted to marry Chris from our first date, and from there the desire only grew. But here's the scary part. When I first had her - I wasn't sure I was cut out for this. I wasn't anywhere near postpartum depression, but I had A LOT of anxiety. If you look back to when I first started this blog, you'll see my transition from crazy-freaked-out-about-everything-mom to the now still-freaking-out-but-getting-through-it-fairly-calm-mom I am today.

A lot of this is probably the anti-depressant medication I started to help deal with my anxiety. It's a low dose, but it has helped me tremendously to have confidence in myself as a mother, and to start to enjoy my child. I'm not as vocal about it as I was about my struggles with breastfeeding or my fears about raising an infant, but I am not embarrassed. I needed help, and luckily, I had a good friend who finally convinced me to try it.

I had my reservations at first. I didn't want to be a robot, or stop caring completely. I talked with my doc about it, and he said they were valid concerns - but as with any medication, dosage is key. We would try the lowest dose, and see how I did. If I felt that I was getting  a little too relaxed, we could even cut that in half.

I had to try it. Waking up every night at 2am while V slept soundly thinking about whether or not she's teething, or should I start solids, or what if she has asthma - was NOT working for me anymore. So about a month ago, I started my new pill.

I won't say it was magic - I felt the same for about 2 weeks before I started to notice a difference. I wasn't freaking out anymore. If she coughed or sniffled, or spit up or had a slight fever, I would deal with it and move on. I started to think realistically about how I would take action. If she's sick, she goes to the doctor. If she has a fever, she gets Tylenol. Instead of immediately going to the worst place (she's dying, I know it!!!), I was sensible and calm.

I started laughing more. I started sleeping soundly, and flirting with my husband, and looking forward to each day. I started missing her more at work.Yes, I always missed her a little, but now I can't wait to see her when I get home. I live for her giggles. I live for those moments when I feel spit up down my shirt and see that big ol' grin on her face.

I'm sharing this because I know a lot of people who are struggling right now with their own battles. It's not always motherhood related, and no, I am not suggesting we all start becoming a pill-popping nation and all get on anti-depressants. I'm saying it's OK to feel overwhelmed, and terrified that maybe you aren't as good at something that you always thought you would rock at.

Find your contentment in whatever you can. Mine happens to be in warm spit up down the front of my shirt. And I'm so happy I am free to feel that now.

Happy Wednesday everyone!

Love,
Dominique