Staying "Relevant"

Good afternoon! 

I remember when I had started the hunt for my new occupation after spending 7 months at home with baby boo that my first stop was a staffing agency. I was in the market for a job, not a career, and it seemed like a good place to start.

When I was meeting with the staffing recruiter, all of the questions seemed predictable enough. "What kind of hours are you looking for," and "What type of work can do you?" But the one thing that stood out in my mind as I was discussing my needs was this unexpected statement:

"Well it's good to stay relevant."

Oh. Was I not relevant anymore? Because instead of going right back into a 40 hour work week where I would certainly remained stressed, I had chosen to spend what little time I had at home focusing on my daughter? 

As always, I mean no offense to working mothers. I was you, and I will likely be you again, but the truth is, I couldn't do it all. Not at that point. Not even at this point, now. 

I knew what she meant by it. That in the professional world, the longer you are out, the sooner you are forgotten. But still, I thought, women choose to do this every day. They make this huge family decision to basically take an unpaid CEO position for a small corporation, and still become "irrelevant" to the rest of the working world. 

Running a house and raising a child is no joke. It takes skill, patience, and organization. You have to make a budget, keep the office clean, keep up with the inventory, order supplies, and entertain your client, all while working under most likely the most tyrannical boss you'll ever have. 

If I could post my stint as a stay at home mother on my resume, it would read something like this:

Stay At Home Mom                                                                         December 2013-Present (part time)

• Manage fiscal year spending by creating and editing budget based on ever revolving needs
• Maintain bookkeeping and payment of company expenses 
• Provide services for client pertaining to sustenance, entertainment, physical and emotional needs
•  Maintain a well functioning office by cleaning, checking inventory and purchasing supplies
• On-call twenty four hours a day, seven days a week for the great foreseeable future

Salary: $0

If you're an awesome CEO, you may even use some of the tools you used at the office, like Excel spreadsheets or Quickbooks. Or maybe you're like me, and you write stuff down on a napkin that may or may not have been used, and clip coupons at night to save a little money. Or use Auto pay on stuff you'll never remember to pay on your own, and use turbotax for your taxes because you can't afford an accountant. 

However we CEO's choose to run our business, we make sure it runs, right? And even though I am in the small percentage of people who do the half and half, I know which of my jobs is going to have the biggest impact in my life, and especially in my daughter's, and I work my butt off to keep it going strong. 

Remember you are relevant. No matter how much you are paid or unpaid. Or how much you fail or triumph. Or how much you sometimes hate your job. As long as you try your hardest, and work through the rough times, things will turn out wonderfully in the end.

Happy Wednesday! 

Love, 

Dominique 

I Thrive on the Chaos

Violet has a recent obsession with rocks.

That's an odd way to start my blog, isn't it? Well I have an endgame with this, I promise.

Anyway, her recent obsession with rocks led to a very terrible, very long and very frustrating battle with getting her in her car seat today so she could go drive someone else crazy for a few hours, and I could go to work.

Chris was trying to strap her in while at the same time trying to take away the two giant, yet swallowable rocks that she had her tiny fists coiled tightly around, and she was not. having. it. Those rocks meant everything to her. She wanted them forever and ever and ever. She wanted to carry them around into her teens and room with them in college, and have them in her wedding and make them her kid's God parents. At least that is how she was portraying her relationship with them to me.

But, being the paranoid person that I am, I insisted she give them up for the ride.

Did I mention right before this she squatted in the garage and clearly pooped her new, fresh diaper?

So after the struggle died down (mostly because I put Garfield on the backseat DVD player for her), we went along our poop-smelling merry way to her daycare. Even though she was in good spirits when we pulled into the parking lot, she decided it would be best to make it to the first steps that she usually is more than anxious to climb up aaaaaaaaaand freeze. No talking, no walking. No paying attention to anything but the golden flowers just within in her reach that she HAD to mush. So I pick her up and force her into the door, and we start the walk down to her room. She spies a large pink sparkly pillow on a couch just outside her door, and as she has done every day for the past two weeks, grabs it to take it to her room.

I just let her do this. Fighting her over a pillow she'll forget about doesn't seem worth my time, and her teachers let her do it, so why not? Today, though, she decides that a good place to plant herself and poop filled diaper down is right OUTSIDE the doorway of her room, and she was going to "noodle" her body into a deadweight limp toddler before I could get her up. So I pick her entire body up (and the pillow) and hand her over to her teacher, apologizing for her obvious foul smell and then peacing out as quickly as I could.

About 5 minutes later I am pulling into the parking lot of my work when I see I've missed a call from Chris. I call him back, hoping what he'll tell me is that the plumber who visited our house for 2 hours this morning magically fixed everything and all of our laundry problems are solved.

Nope. Instead it's a message of how he had to write a $217 dollar check and that now when we do laundry, it will just flow into our basement AND into the gaping hole in the front of our house.

I take a deep breath. I am NOT letting this defeat me. I am NOT letting this stress me out. Despite everything that happened in the short first half of my day, I smile as I think about adding to our family. I can handle this. Hell, I can handle anything. Violet is a mess. A HOT mess. Terrible twos have hit, and it has been some kind of ride in our home lately. But I don't care. I wouldn't have it any other way. Never a dull moment.

Sometimes I have days where I think I am absolutely crazy to want to add to the chaos. But I think growing up in a large family of seven people has prepared me well, and almost made it impossible for me to enjoy the quiet. And one day it will be quiet, and I know I'll want all of this back. My greatest adventure.

And I'm happy because tonight I'll go home, I'll feed and bathe my inevitably filthy toddler, and then I will settle down with a glass of wine and watch the Auburn Tigers defeat Kansas State. It's a good day. War Eagle my friends!

This Underground Money Saving Mom World is INSANE

Good afternoon and Happy Monday!


Being married to a man who loves a deal has made me think that I, too, have become pretty darn savvy when it comes to saving money on the products and foods we use the most in our house. But lately, with the thought of baby number 2 bouncing around the books, I decided that maybe it was time to up my game a little and venture into an otherwise unknown world to me.

What I have learned and seen will SHOCK YOU! Just kidding. But it may be surprising some of the methods and lengths people will go to to literally save a buck. But the most surprising part? It works.

So here I am to impart what the month of August, in all of it's hotness and glory, taught me about how to live like the queen of England on the salary of Prince George's nanny. (if you can get good enough at it.)

1) Couponing. Couponing sounds simple enough, right? You clip a coupon here and there and you squeal as the register discounts it from your item. WRONG. That's how sissies do it. Real couponers know that if you want the most bang for your buck, you collect as many coupon inserts from as many sources as possible, you get organized, and you get BOGO.

There's a lot of math involved in couponing, which makes me hate it a little bit. But, in the interest of saving money on one of my biggest vices (groceries), I took the plunge and went to an actual couponing class. What I learned there:

A) there are so many more sources for getting coupons than you may think. It's not all about sunday papers and physical clipping anymore. There are people you can PAY to do it for. Why pay for coupons? Simple. You don't have the time to gather and clip them yourself, and the benefit outweighs the cost. I went to the website www.thecouponclippers.com, searched their inventory, and ended up with about $40 worth of coupons (for stuff I do and for sure WILL buy) for $4. They arrived, clipped and neatly with a personal note within a few days. I went on my first shopping trip after trying this to walmart and was delighted to find out I had used $20 worth of my coupons. That and the savings catcher (more on that later) brought my savings to a total of about $30. Not bad.

B) Bogo is your friend. Buy One Get One Free deals (combined with couponing) is the best way to get the cheapest price for your items. Sales run in a 6 week cycle, and coupons will last anywhere from one month to three, so you have a good chance of catching your stuff that can wait on sale.

C) Rainchecks. Because of the crazy couponers out there, the best stuff usually flies from the shelves. But don't be sad. Simply ask for a raincheck for the item, and when it is back in stock, you get it for the sale price.

D) APPS. The new walmart savings catcher does a lot of the work for you. If you shop there, dl the app, scan your receipt, and it searches all of the competitors adds for sale prices. The best part? It refunds you the difference in the form of an e-gift certificate. The first time I tried it, I got $7.36 back to use on my next trip. Another good one? Target Cartwheel. Add the special deals right to the app, and when you check out, they scan a bar code that takes all of your coupons. No hassle.

Now that we've covered the basics of couponing, let's move on the next greatest underground mom trick I have tried this summer. Consignment.

If you live in a place with one million churches, like I do, you are most likely going to have one -two consignment sales pop up in your area. These often benefit the church in some way like funding missionaries or youth groups or something, which I personally have no issue with, so it's fine for me. The other part of the proceeds of course go to the consignor themselves, so everybody wins.

Here, there are about 10 different consignment sales that run in the beginning of fall and then again in midwinter to early spring for the different seasons. I've hit up two already, and both experiences were interesting to say the least.

Here's what you need to know about consignments:

A) They usually run two days (for the public) If you volunteer, or are selling, you may get to shop these early. But, if you're like me and you aren't ready to get rid of your precious little clothes, then the public sale it is. The first day is going to be crowded, and everything is going to be "full price." Now keep in mind that I didn't pay more than $5 "full price" for anything I bought, which is why this is such a good deal. The second day is usually a half price sale, but be prepared for it to be pretty picked over.

B) Read the rules before you go! Most of these sales have a name and website (Giggles and Grace, Wishes and Wonder or some stuff like that) and they will have ground rules about what and even WHO you can bring. Some don't allow young kids (liabilities), some don't allow strollers and some will provide bags while others say you're own your own. But you may also have to be specific with your choice of carrier. The last one I went to specified all baskets had to have towels taped to the bottom to prevent floor scraping. These people don't mess around.

C) MOMS BE CRAZY. The dirty looks and crazy eyes you will see a consignment sale will make you never want to venture there again. Also, watch where you put down your stuff. I thought I'd take my haul over to an empty place in a corner just to add up what I was spending and before 5 minutes I had two moms come up to me, and start looking through my pile AS I WAS COUNTING IT, and asked me if I was getting stuff. Uh, yes. Hence why I have it all in my possession. Back off.

But is it worth it? Sure. I'm saving as much as my time can allow right now with little effort. $30 or so on groceries here, and $50 for some really nice warm play clothes for V when the weather turns cold. Some of it from places we never venture into, like Children's Place, or fancy local boutiques. (We're a Carters Outlet/target kind of fam)

Anyway, I know this was the longest post ever, so I will leave you with this pic of Violet in her new (used) Auburn cheer outfit that we score for $4.


Happy hunting!
Love,
Dominique

I Fear Nothing! Except Sleep Deprivation.

Good afternoon, and happy Monday!

I want to share something with ya'll. Things are really good right now. Hubs and I are in a groove that has taken months to achieve, and we are about to enter the greatest time of each year. The Holiday Trifecta.

Our budget is rockin, Violet is napping/eating/sleeping through the night/talking/walking (running) like a champ, and I am really enjoying my new job. Not everything is perfect of course. We still don't ever go anywhere, and our netflix que has been totally played out. But for the most part, things are good.

So, naturally, with all of these good vibes floating in with the autumn winds, I have been entertaining the thought of expanding the ol' King clan. I know what you're thinking. "But Dominique, you talked about V being an only child for so long. I thought your uterus was closed for business."

Well, for a while, I thought it might be too. I never ruled out the possibility of a sibling, but as the first few months of her life (and let's face it, up until about 2 months ago) came and went, we faced a lot of things that made me think this was it. In the short 18 months she has been alive, I have tried (and failed) breastfeeding, lost my job (twice), experienced stay-at-home-momhood, and am now balancing working a new part time position and dealing with an unruly, yet adorable toddler. It's enough to make anyone tired.

And I am tired. Sometimes, in the middle of my day, if I stop going for even a minute - I think, "Man. I could fall asleep right now in this chair." And don't even get me started on the beginning of my day. Every single day is overwhelming when I first wake up. I am barely awake, and I know that I am responsible for entertaining/feeding/singing to/reading to/playing with/hiding from/comforting/and cleaning a small human life for the next 6 hours. And then I have to go work. And sometimes THEN I have to go to the store. It's a busy life, but I wouldn't trade it for the world.

So I've gone over all of the regular arguments in my head - and often out loud, out of nowhere, to my exhausted husband - about adding another newborn to our mix. The finances. Would I keep working? Would I try to find something full time? Would I stay home? Would it be better for me to breastfeed again if I do get to stay home? Will it be easier if I am only working part time? Or the health risks. Violet tried to make her appearance 9 weeks early on Christmas day if you recall. Besides being considered high risk this go around, there's a much higher chance of the second one following suit of her/his sister and coming early. This also increases my chances of bed rest. How does that even work with a full time working husband and no family around and a toddler? A lot of Daniel Tiger I suppose.

But you know what? Despite all of these issues, nothing has made me hesitate more than the thought of the sleep deprivation. Oh, to have a newborn again. With the feedings every hour and half, and the spitting up, and the no head support of their own. And the crying. And the load upon loads of crap you have to take with you everywhere, even for short trips. To the moms of newborns who are reading this right now, (and I know of a few) I am sorry. I'm sorry I'm reminding you of your reality right now. But before I get scolded, remember I did it too. And I am willingly - witnessing you go through it right now and all - thinking about doing it again.

But it's worth it, right? Of course it is. Nothing lasts forever, even the exhausting first few years of a life on a mother. And I see it on your faces. The sheer joy of your newly expanded family that glimmers behind heavily lidded eyes. So I suppose, for now, anything is possible!

Thanks for listening me work it all out, as usual.

Love,
Dominique

For your viewing pleasure, here is a pic of one of the newest ladies in our lives, and an angel straight from Heaven:

Lord, Help Me.

Good afternoon, ya'll! And Happy Wednesday!

I was going to write a post about protecting my daughter from social media. About how I am going to teach her the dangers of the technological world we live in, and how apps like Snapchat and Facebook can ruin her future in a half-second.

But I'm going to go a little bit deeper than that. The fact is, if I can teach her to have common sense, modesty, and a respect for others, then I won't ever have to worry about what she is going to throw out there on social media.

Children are born innocent. Issues like bigotry and immodesty are taught, not genetic. So here are some of the things I am going to try to teach my daughter about our world:

1) Be open-minded.  Generalizing about an entire population is only hurting you. When you refuse to befriend, employ, or assist someone who is a different color, race, religion or sexual orientation than you, you could potentially be missing out a huge opportunity for an amazing friend. Reserve your judgement for after you meet them and get to know them.

2) Be modest. No, I don't wish we were back in the age of Victorian dresses and petticoats. Wear tank tops, wear shorts, wear bikinis (when you're older. No bikinis till you're older.)But have some sense, my darling girl. A little bit of shoulder can be more appealing than an entire wardrobe of decolletage. Take pride in your appearance, and remember that your private life can stay private. Remember that the whole world is watching.

3) Be smart. Know your surroundings, know your true friends. Know your limits, your boundaries and your   standards. Know that only you have the power over your own reputation, and you'll be so thankful one day to have been considered one of the boring ones. You are not boring. You are mysterious. You are multi-faceted, and you don't let just anyone know all of your secrets.

4) Be sorry. You are going to mess up. You are going to do or wear regretful things. You are going to be embarrassed and ashamed. Learn from these moments. Remember how they made you feel, and be determined to no longer feel that way again. Let your true friends comfort you. Listen to them. Listen to me. I have been there and recovered.

5) Be humble. Know when you need to ask for help. There is no shame in it. It is brilliant to ask for help. You are only smarter for knowing to do so. If you are unsure of a situation, or are wary of place or person, trust your gut. Get out of there in any way you can. Even if it means calling me at 3am to come get you. I promise to park in a discreet place and never let on that I am there. :)

6) Be courageous. This is the most important. You will be picked on because of some of your choices. You may not be popular, or you may be called boring, or you may be ostracized because you are standing up for what you believe it. These situations will become less and less frequent as you grow. It's amazing how little all of it matters when you are older.

I hope I can stand by these things. I hope that I can raise my kids to have all of these values, and also have the strength to let go and see if they listen. And on a last note, I hope SnapChat goes completely bankrupt.

Happy Wednesday!

Love,
Dominique

18 Months of Parenting - What I've Learned

Good afternoon and happy Thursday!

Well baby boo is 18 months old today. It seems like just yesterday we were celebrating her survival of her first year on this world, and I was getting teary-eyed looking over all of her month-to-month pictures and how much she has changed.

She continues to grow at exponential rates, as children tend to do. And although these past 6 months have flown by, a lot has changed with her, with me and with our family as a whole. So without further ado, here's what I now know as a parent of 18 months:

1) At some point, the stern looks that used to terrify me about my own mother had started periodically showing up on my own face, and V knows to zip it and sit down. Her understanding of my words and actions is getting more and more apparent, and so is my understanding that she definitely inherited my stubbornness.
 
2) It's ok if I leave her unprotected for a few minutes. I no longer find it necessary to keep the door open when I am home alone in the bathroom, or put her in the pack n play to run down to the basement for literally two minutes and throw a load of clothes in. Sure, I've found her on the fireplace a few times, and if I hear any kind of loud noise I come zipping back, but for the most part, she is fine.

3) The TV is my saving grace to keep her distracted. Everything is a battle these days. Getting dressed, changing diapers, putting on socks and shoes. If she has to be still for more than 5 seconds, I better have some PBS kids on somewhere. I am totally guilty of putting it on my phone and letting her watch it while I lotion her after bath, but hey-a mama's gotta do what a mama's gotta do.

4) Bumps, bruises, cuts and scrapes are a part of life now, and probably will be for a while. The first time your child gets a "goose egg" on their forehead from a lost battle with the coffee table, you want to wrap them in bubble wrap, and seriously consider getting rid of the coffee table. Even if it's a beautiful, antique family heirloom that means more to you than any other piece of furniture in your house. Or, it's from craigslist, which is the case with mine. But it hurt your baby, and it needs to go. Eventually I learned that my baby deer is just not going to be that steady on her feet, and if there's no blood involved, it's not really worth worrying over.

5) Sharing is caring, and not really an "option" once they are walking. My husband always wonders why I choose to carefully plan my meals around when V is asleep, and the answer is simple. I don't want to always share what I am eating. If I do get ravenous enough to grab a snack in her vicinity, I know that I'll have those baby blues staring up at me with her sweetest face while she looks at me like "are you gonna eat alllll that cheese?" Yes. Now leave me alone.

6) Seasons are too short and babies grow too fast to not hit up every consignment sale you can possibly find. I dream of the day when I am finished having kids, and I can become one of those awesome consignor moms who are in it to get rid of boxes upon boxes of outgrown rompers and be first in line for other's gently used hand me downs. For now, I can only be part of the "public sales." I went to my first consignment sale this past spring, and practically everything V wore this summer was bought for $1-$3. And it was glorious. GLORIOUS.

7) Facebook can be more helpful than a call to a nurse. If you have a serious issue - call the nurse. Go to the doctor. But more minor things like bug bites or a rash, a quick pic to the ol' news feed will come up with a plethora of diagnoses from moms who have been there, done that. I usually call the nurse and then hit of the fb while I am waiting for my return call. And often, the moms are correct. Even when you don't want them to be, like when Violet got terrible hand foot and mouth. You called it, ladies. And I didn't want to believe it.

8) Here's the big one - I am finally ready to consider a second baby. As things have progressed, I find myself asking less and less questions, becoming more patient with issues, and transitioning with change a lot easier. This has led me to having the thoughts that I could handle this AND a newborn without wanting to throw up. Sure, I know it wouldn't be easy, and I've recently confessed to hubs that I'm not sure I can imagine anything taking my focus off of V. But I also know that even if we got pregnant soon, she will have grown more and become even more independent by the time I would have to juggle the two. So, I don't know - the possibility is there.

thanks everyone as always. Have a wonderful afternoon and a great rest of your week!

Love,
Dominique

"I'll Have More Time When _______ is Over." Says Every Mom, All the Time.

Good afternoon and happy Wednesday! I seem to be absent from my writing a lot these days, don't I? What used to be my quiet morning coffee and blogging time has turned into my feed the baby quickly and scarf down some coffee before we have to run our errands so we can be home in time for the new-NEW naptime, time. Whew! What a mouthful. Regardless of my ever-changing schedule, I promise to at least try to carry on with my blog, for those who read it.

Anyway, as I have mentioned before, this summer has been nuts. We've been on trips, we've been adjusting to my working again, and we've been tying up the last few activities of the summer before we head into the greatest time of the year - football season.

Just kidding, it's Fall of course. Which includes football season, but is also so, so much more. As always, the end of a season brings a sense of relief - a false sense - but a sense nonetheless, that the craziness of life will slow down for a bit, and we can return to our mornings in the play room, staring out the window as the leaves turn colors and I sip my beloved Keurig coffee. The difference this time being that this ain't my first rodeo anymore, and I've been through enough seasons to know that the craziness will go on forever and ever and ever as long as I have young children to attend to, friends that are still getting married, friends that are having babies and family that I am desperate to spend time with on a regular basis.

Not that this is a bad thing. The fact that I have a life at all is thrilling to me. Even if it is built around grocery trips and story times. And those will be the normal days. The run-of-the-mill lazy fall mornings that I will come to refer back to when I'm toting my kids and their friends to their various sports practices and missing when all we had to do was run errands on the weekends. But even now, the social calendar and obligations will begin to pile up, and out of nowhere, my entire fall season will be completely booked. I'll think I have all of the time in the world, until I realize that I have a wedding/football party/anniversary trip/birthday celebration/holiday that weekend, and we'll just have to find more time.

But things will slow down when the fall is over, right? Ha! Sure it will.

But I say, "Bring it on!" Bring on the tailgating! The giant inflatable Stay Puft Marshmallow Man going in our yard this year for Halloween! The weddings! The cooking! The travel! Bring on the Pumpkin Spice Latte's! Bring on the chips! BRING ON THE DIP! And bring on the runny noses, the sweater weather, and endless pursuit for an infant Slimer costume. I'm ready. I'm ready for all of it.

Have a wonderful August, ya'll. I have had an amazing summer, but I am grateful to see it go. Until then, enjoy this picture of my country princess chasing bubbles in a diaper on a wrap around porch.

Love,
Dominique