I Fear Nothing! Except Sleep Deprivation.

Good afternoon, and happy Monday!

I want to share something with ya'll. Things are really good right now. Hubs and I are in a groove that has taken months to achieve, and we are about to enter the greatest time of each year. The Holiday Trifecta.

Our budget is rockin, Violet is napping/eating/sleeping through the night/talking/walking (running) like a champ, and I am really enjoying my new job. Not everything is perfect of course. We still don't ever go anywhere, and our netflix que has been totally played out. But for the most part, things are good.

So, naturally, with all of these good vibes floating in with the autumn winds, I have been entertaining the thought of expanding the ol' King clan. I know what you're thinking. "But Dominique, you talked about V being an only child for so long. I thought your uterus was closed for business."

Well, for a while, I thought it might be too. I never ruled out the possibility of a sibling, but as the first few months of her life (and let's face it, up until about 2 months ago) came and went, we faced a lot of things that made me think this was it. In the short 18 months she has been alive, I have tried (and failed) breastfeeding, lost my job (twice), experienced stay-at-home-momhood, and am now balancing working a new part time position and dealing with an unruly, yet adorable toddler. It's enough to make anyone tired.

And I am tired. Sometimes, in the middle of my day, if I stop going for even a minute - I think, "Man. I could fall asleep right now in this chair." And don't even get me started on the beginning of my day. Every single day is overwhelming when I first wake up. I am barely awake, and I know that I am responsible for entertaining/feeding/singing to/reading to/playing with/hiding from/comforting/and cleaning a small human life for the next 6 hours. And then I have to go work. And sometimes THEN I have to go to the store. It's a busy life, but I wouldn't trade it for the world.

So I've gone over all of the regular arguments in my head - and often out loud, out of nowhere, to my exhausted husband - about adding another newborn to our mix. The finances. Would I keep working? Would I try to find something full time? Would I stay home? Would it be better for me to breastfeed again if I do get to stay home? Will it be easier if I am only working part time? Or the health risks. Violet tried to make her appearance 9 weeks early on Christmas day if you recall. Besides being considered high risk this go around, there's a much higher chance of the second one following suit of her/his sister and coming early. This also increases my chances of bed rest. How does that even work with a full time working husband and no family around and a toddler? A lot of Daniel Tiger I suppose.

But you know what? Despite all of these issues, nothing has made me hesitate more than the thought of the sleep deprivation. Oh, to have a newborn again. With the feedings every hour and half, and the spitting up, and the no head support of their own. And the crying. And the load upon loads of crap you have to take with you everywhere, even for short trips. To the moms of newborns who are reading this right now, (and I know of a few) I am sorry. I'm sorry I'm reminding you of your reality right now. But before I get scolded, remember I did it too. And I am willingly - witnessing you go through it right now and all - thinking about doing it again.

But it's worth it, right? Of course it is. Nothing lasts forever, even the exhausting first few years of a life on a mother. And I see it on your faces. The sheer joy of your newly expanded family that glimmers behind heavily lidded eyes. So I suppose, for now, anything is possible!

Thanks for listening me work it all out, as usual.

Love,
Dominique

For your viewing pleasure, here is a pic of one of the newest ladies in our lives, and an angel straight from Heaven:

Lord, Help Me.

Good afternoon, ya'll! And Happy Wednesday!

I was going to write a post about protecting my daughter from social media. About how I am going to teach her the dangers of the technological world we live in, and how apps like Snapchat and Facebook can ruin her future in a half-second.

But I'm going to go a little bit deeper than that. The fact is, if I can teach her to have common sense, modesty, and a respect for others, then I won't ever have to worry about what she is going to throw out there on social media.

Children are born innocent. Issues like bigotry and immodesty are taught, not genetic. So here are some of the things I am going to try to teach my daughter about our world:

1) Be open-minded.  Generalizing about an entire population is only hurting you. When you refuse to befriend, employ, or assist someone who is a different color, race, religion or sexual orientation than you, you could potentially be missing out a huge opportunity for an amazing friend. Reserve your judgement for after you meet them and get to know them.

2) Be modest. No, I don't wish we were back in the age of Victorian dresses and petticoats. Wear tank tops, wear shorts, wear bikinis (when you're older. No bikinis till you're older.)But have some sense, my darling girl. A little bit of shoulder can be more appealing than an entire wardrobe of decolletage. Take pride in your appearance, and remember that your private life can stay private. Remember that the whole world is watching.

3) Be smart. Know your surroundings, know your true friends. Know your limits, your boundaries and your   standards. Know that only you have the power over your own reputation, and you'll be so thankful one day to have been considered one of the boring ones. You are not boring. You are mysterious. You are multi-faceted, and you don't let just anyone know all of your secrets.

4) Be sorry. You are going to mess up. You are going to do or wear regretful things. You are going to be embarrassed and ashamed. Learn from these moments. Remember how they made you feel, and be determined to no longer feel that way again. Let your true friends comfort you. Listen to them. Listen to me. I have been there and recovered.

5) Be humble. Know when you need to ask for help. There is no shame in it. It is brilliant to ask for help. You are only smarter for knowing to do so. If you are unsure of a situation, or are wary of place or person, trust your gut. Get out of there in any way you can. Even if it means calling me at 3am to come get you. I promise to park in a discreet place and never let on that I am there. :)

6) Be courageous. This is the most important. You will be picked on because of some of your choices. You may not be popular, or you may be called boring, or you may be ostracized because you are standing up for what you believe it. These situations will become less and less frequent as you grow. It's amazing how little all of it matters when you are older.

I hope I can stand by these things. I hope that I can raise my kids to have all of these values, and also have the strength to let go and see if they listen. And on a last note, I hope SnapChat goes completely bankrupt.

Happy Wednesday!

Love,
Dominique

18 Months of Parenting - What I've Learned

Good afternoon and happy Thursday!

Well baby boo is 18 months old today. It seems like just yesterday we were celebrating her survival of her first year on this world, and I was getting teary-eyed looking over all of her month-to-month pictures and how much she has changed.

She continues to grow at exponential rates, as children tend to do. And although these past 6 months have flown by, a lot has changed with her, with me and with our family as a whole. So without further ado, here's what I now know as a parent of 18 months:

1) At some point, the stern looks that used to terrify me about my own mother had started periodically showing up on my own face, and V knows to zip it and sit down. Her understanding of my words and actions is getting more and more apparent, and so is my understanding that she definitely inherited my stubbornness.
 
2) It's ok if I leave her unprotected for a few minutes. I no longer find it necessary to keep the door open when I am home alone in the bathroom, or put her in the pack n play to run down to the basement for literally two minutes and throw a load of clothes in. Sure, I've found her on the fireplace a few times, and if I hear any kind of loud noise I come zipping back, but for the most part, she is fine.

3) The TV is my saving grace to keep her distracted. Everything is a battle these days. Getting dressed, changing diapers, putting on socks and shoes. If she has to be still for more than 5 seconds, I better have some PBS kids on somewhere. I am totally guilty of putting it on my phone and letting her watch it while I lotion her after bath, but hey-a mama's gotta do what a mama's gotta do.

4) Bumps, bruises, cuts and scrapes are a part of life now, and probably will be for a while. The first time your child gets a "goose egg" on their forehead from a lost battle with the coffee table, you want to wrap them in bubble wrap, and seriously consider getting rid of the coffee table. Even if it's a beautiful, antique family heirloom that means more to you than any other piece of furniture in your house. Or, it's from craigslist, which is the case with mine. But it hurt your baby, and it needs to go. Eventually I learned that my baby deer is just not going to be that steady on her feet, and if there's no blood involved, it's not really worth worrying over.

5) Sharing is caring, and not really an "option" once they are walking. My husband always wonders why I choose to carefully plan my meals around when V is asleep, and the answer is simple. I don't want to always share what I am eating. If I do get ravenous enough to grab a snack in her vicinity, I know that I'll have those baby blues staring up at me with her sweetest face while she looks at me like "are you gonna eat alllll that cheese?" Yes. Now leave me alone.

6) Seasons are too short and babies grow too fast to not hit up every consignment sale you can possibly find. I dream of the day when I am finished having kids, and I can become one of those awesome consignor moms who are in it to get rid of boxes upon boxes of outgrown rompers and be first in line for other's gently used hand me downs. For now, I can only be part of the "public sales." I went to my first consignment sale this past spring, and practically everything V wore this summer was bought for $1-$3. And it was glorious. GLORIOUS.

7) Facebook can be more helpful than a call to a nurse. If you have a serious issue - call the nurse. Go to the doctor. But more minor things like bug bites or a rash, a quick pic to the ol' news feed will come up with a plethora of diagnoses from moms who have been there, done that. I usually call the nurse and then hit of the fb while I am waiting for my return call. And often, the moms are correct. Even when you don't want them to be, like when Violet got terrible hand foot and mouth. You called it, ladies. And I didn't want to believe it.

8) Here's the big one - I am finally ready to consider a second baby. As things have progressed, I find myself asking less and less questions, becoming more patient with issues, and transitioning with change a lot easier. This has led me to having the thoughts that I could handle this AND a newborn without wanting to throw up. Sure, I know it wouldn't be easy, and I've recently confessed to hubs that I'm not sure I can imagine anything taking my focus off of V. But I also know that even if we got pregnant soon, she will have grown more and become even more independent by the time I would have to juggle the two. So, I don't know - the possibility is there.

thanks everyone as always. Have a wonderful afternoon and a great rest of your week!

Love,
Dominique

"I'll Have More Time When _______ is Over." Says Every Mom, All the Time.

Good afternoon and happy Wednesday! I seem to be absent from my writing a lot these days, don't I? What used to be my quiet morning coffee and blogging time has turned into my feed the baby quickly and scarf down some coffee before we have to run our errands so we can be home in time for the new-NEW naptime, time. Whew! What a mouthful. Regardless of my ever-changing schedule, I promise to at least try to carry on with my blog, for those who read it.

Anyway, as I have mentioned before, this summer has been nuts. We've been on trips, we've been adjusting to my working again, and we've been tying up the last few activities of the summer before we head into the greatest time of the year - football season.

Just kidding, it's Fall of course. Which includes football season, but is also so, so much more. As always, the end of a season brings a sense of relief - a false sense - but a sense nonetheless, that the craziness of life will slow down for a bit, and we can return to our mornings in the play room, staring out the window as the leaves turn colors and I sip my beloved Keurig coffee. The difference this time being that this ain't my first rodeo anymore, and I've been through enough seasons to know that the craziness will go on forever and ever and ever as long as I have young children to attend to, friends that are still getting married, friends that are having babies and family that I am desperate to spend time with on a regular basis.

Not that this is a bad thing. The fact that I have a life at all is thrilling to me. Even if it is built around grocery trips and story times. And those will be the normal days. The run-of-the-mill lazy fall mornings that I will come to refer back to when I'm toting my kids and their friends to their various sports practices and missing when all we had to do was run errands on the weekends. But even now, the social calendar and obligations will begin to pile up, and out of nowhere, my entire fall season will be completely booked. I'll think I have all of the time in the world, until I realize that I have a wedding/football party/anniversary trip/birthday celebration/holiday that weekend, and we'll just have to find more time.

But things will slow down when the fall is over, right? Ha! Sure it will.

But I say, "Bring it on!" Bring on the tailgating! The giant inflatable Stay Puft Marshmallow Man going in our yard this year for Halloween! The weddings! The cooking! The travel! Bring on the Pumpkin Spice Latte's! Bring on the chips! BRING ON THE DIP! And bring on the runny noses, the sweater weather, and endless pursuit for an infant Slimer costume. I'm ready. I'm ready for all of it.

Have a wonderful August, ya'll. I have had an amazing summer, but I am grateful to see it go. Until then, enjoy this picture of my country princess chasing bubbles in a diaper on a wrap around porch.

Love,
Dominique

Of Mud Pies and Mail Merges

Happy Friday everyone! I hope everyone had a great week.

This past Monday, I started my new adventure as a full time unpaid mom and part time paid assistant. So far, I think things have gone really well, and the transition has been fairly smooth. I do, however, feel like I've learned a lot about what's going to be "the new norm" around here, and some of it was expected, and some of it was - well - surprising.

1) My 20 hours a week position is really more like 30. I say this because I have to leave my house close to an hour before work to get baby boo to school in time, and it takes us a good full hour to get home in the afternoons with 5pm traffic. This means most nights we are getting home just in time for our dinner and the three B's - bath, books and bed. And with baby boo not napping at all during the day this week (more on that later) she's pretty ready to hit the hay at 7.

2) And speaking of baths, we are having to adjust to a bath every night now. Raising a child with eczema means that we generally used to bathe every other night to keep her skin from drying out, and when we did our first round of daycare, this was fine. She wasn't even walking yet, so outside play didn't often happen. Now she comes home filthy. Happy, but absolutely filthy. Don't get me wrong - I love that she is getting some outdoor play time - but I also learned that the same girl that likes to walk around my house in my sunglasses and carrying my purse also really loves the mud.

3) Napping may become a thing of the past - unless I adjust her sleeping schedule. Again. Any mom will tell you that sleep training at any stage is the WORST. Veteran moms will tell you to bust out the earplugs and turn off the monitor, because you're in for a lot of screaming. However, this might be a necessary evil for me, because we have to go to daycare smack in the middle of her nap time. This results in her falling asleep every day in the car on the way there, and then not napping at all at school. This makes for a cranky baby at night, and we don't get to spend much time with her when we get home. So, I have to make the choice to either live with this and hope she adjusts to sleeping at school, or move  up nap time, lose valuable morning time with her, and push back bed time. Which is also cutting into my me and Chris time, but an hour extra with her is worth it.

4)I don't miss her that much. *GASP*
How could I admit to that? Because it's true. I love my baby boo (can't you tell? I talk about her all. the. time.) And I am ready to see her every afternoon, but I look forward to my four glorious, quiet, toddler free hours in the afternoon. Even now, as I type this up at home, she's running up to me every five minutes to hand me various things she's collecting - magnets, socks, a piece of grass on the floor. I feel like part time work is a good mix for me. We get to eat our breakfast together, watch a little Peg + Cat, and run our errands like going to the grocery store. And then I get to pass her off to a set of people who will wear her out, and about 11 more little kids for her to play with.

5) Working makes me feel like we can finally move forward with our future plans. Living on unemployment was fun, but it was borrowed time, and we always knew it. Securing a (hopefully)  permanent position makes me feel like we can finally start talking about the things we are planning for our future, like a bigger car or second baby. Now, we are not planning on throwing these things into the mix any time soon. It would be wise to see how things go with this new job for the next few months before going all-in on a bigger life change. But the window is opening, and the fresh air smells wonderful!

Thanks as always for listening. Here's hoping that "the new norm" is better than ever before. I have a good feeling about all of this!

Love,
Dominique

Violet the Hun - The Difference in Daycare the Second Time Around

Good afternoon and Happy Monday!

Even though my rejoining of the gainfully employed doesn't begin until next week, we have already had a taste of what daycare is going to be like this time around through my subbing experiences. Today, as I delighted in the enthralling conversations of three year olds, my daughter the hurricane was terrorizing her teachers in the toddler room.

Now that's a bit of an exaggeration. Her teacher would tell you that she was fine, and sweet, and a good eater, and these things are mostly true - but we had our first ugly experience with the dark side today.

Violet bit her teacher. Bit - for the first time ever - because he teacher "had the nerve" to try and fix her mop of a ponytail spout that was sticking straight up from her head. I immediately felt terror. I had dealt with biters before. "Three strikes and you're out," I thought. "Great. I've got 'the biter.'"

Honestly, my once chill baby has become a full on toddler terror at certain points in  her day (I'll give you a hint - they generally happen around food time and nap time) and I've been noticing it for weeks. Her frustrating "hulk outs" that I once found funny have now started to worry me. Her "noodling" when she doesn't want to be picked up is now followed closely by a face-down-on-the-floor-screaming tantrum is someone tries to take something from her - even if it's just to give it back to the person she stole it from in the first place.

But a biter? Please, God, no! Those precious little scattered chicklets that look adorable when she smiles are actually fierce weapons, and I would know - I have been on the receiving end of a clamped down jaw during toothbrush time.

This is a problem for me. How do I discipline a 17 month old? How do I emphasize "No bite!" when "Bite" is not even a word she literally knows the meaning of yet? Time out, people say. Ok, I can do that. But where? The only chair her size is her comfy chair, and I don't want that associated with punishment. And her crib? Not a chance - that is one of the only places she finds solace enough to sleep. Her packnplay? How will I ever do laundry again when every time I place her in her safe space that she screams with distress? I am really at a loss.

And it hurts. You know it hurts. It's easy to tell someone else's kid "No!" or put them, screaming and flailing, in a time out chair. But your own? It's heartbreaking. I start to think, "Where did I go wrong?! I am so embarrassed. Every mother or caregiver here thinks I coddle my child too much. They are all telling each other how bad she is."

But that's not true. No one is talking. Everyone who has ever experienced a toddler knows they are unpredictable at best. That they simply can't voice their anger or frustrations, and that kids bite. Some of them do. Mine did.

And she might never do it again. Or I might be remarking to someone someday about how my kid was a biter, and you'd never know it because she's so sweet, right?

So my new questions to daycare givers will not be things like "When is nap time? How many bottles of milk do I need to bring?" It's going to be more like "How do you discipline? Do you send accident reports? How much does she need to be bleeding before I have to come get her?" Just kidding on that last one. Kind of.

Anyway, pray for V that the biting does not continue. And please pray for me and Chris to be able to nip that in the bud and figure out a good solution.

Happy Monday everyone! Cheers to an early bedtime for everyone in this house!

Love,
Dominique

Let's Catch Up, Shall We?

Good morning and happy Thursday! It is Thursday, right? I seriously lose track some days. Between trying to figure how to fit in a protein that isn't hotdogs or bologna for my daughter and the seemingly endless amount of laundry, the days tend to run together.

It also doesn't help that these past few (years?) weeks have been crazy for us. What started with an exhaustingly fun beach trip at the beginning of this month turned into a whirlwind of illness, injury, job hunting, house cleaning, shower throwing and is now going to be wrapped up nicely with a southern style cookout to celebrate my 31st birthday on Saturday.

To say I am tired is and understatement. However, some really great (and really terrible, but let's focus on the positive) things have been happening around here. V is 16 months, and full blown running through the house now. Her favorite things to do include take things from our bathroom and carry them around, wear both of daddy's hats at once, and watch Dinosaur Train. Don't even get me started on our PBS Kids. I have so many questions, it's ridiculous. She also has learned how to climb on our bed from our pet stairs for pug, and as a direct result of this, fell off of our bed for the first time the other day.

She's fine. She banged up her face a little bit, but nothing terrible. The worst thing we've encountered this month was a rough bout with Hand Foot and Mouth Disease. HFM is a virus that causes fever, painful sores on the mouth, hands and feet, and neediness beyond compare. For about 8 full days, I dealt with constant crying, needing to be held, motrin resistance and the worst part - no eating - and still managed to throw a baby shower at my house in the midst of all of it. I have to admit I shed a few tears myself, but when your chunky toddler's cheeks start to look hollow and she's wailing in your ear - you try to keep it together.

Thankfully she's over all of it, and is now back to her silly self and eating everything in sight like she has some catching up to do. And after what felt like the worst week in my year, I am now turning around having a pretty good week.

I have been searching for a part time job, and in the spirit of being aggressive about it, I have been shotgunning my resume to various companies. Finally, some of this has paid off, and I have an interview next week, a sub job next week, and my recruiter called me yesterday about what could possibly be the most promising opportunity. Fingers crossed, I find something soon. As much as I don't want to leave my baby boo, an outside interest (that pays me) will be good for the whole fam.

So now as I prepare to close out my 31st year of life (it's true, you know it) I am very hopeful for the future of our family. All it's going to take is a little elbow grease, some confidence, some budgeting and some determination, and I feel like we'll be in a great position.

Happy Thursday everyone!

Love,
Dominique