"I'll Have More Time When _______ is Over." Says Every Mom, All the Time.

Good afternoon and happy Wednesday! I seem to be absent from my writing a lot these days, don't I? What used to be my quiet morning coffee and blogging time has turned into my feed the baby quickly and scarf down some coffee before we have to run our errands so we can be home in time for the new-NEW naptime, time. Whew! What a mouthful. Regardless of my ever-changing schedule, I promise to at least try to carry on with my blog, for those who read it.

Anyway, as I have mentioned before, this summer has been nuts. We've been on trips, we've been adjusting to my working again, and we've been tying up the last few activities of the summer before we head into the greatest time of the year - football season.

Just kidding, it's Fall of course. Which includes football season, but is also so, so much more. As always, the end of a season brings a sense of relief - a false sense - but a sense nonetheless, that the craziness of life will slow down for a bit, and we can return to our mornings in the play room, staring out the window as the leaves turn colors and I sip my beloved Keurig coffee. The difference this time being that this ain't my first rodeo anymore, and I've been through enough seasons to know that the craziness will go on forever and ever and ever as long as I have young children to attend to, friends that are still getting married, friends that are having babies and family that I am desperate to spend time with on a regular basis.

Not that this is a bad thing. The fact that I have a life at all is thrilling to me. Even if it is built around grocery trips and story times. And those will be the normal days. The run-of-the-mill lazy fall mornings that I will come to refer back to when I'm toting my kids and their friends to their various sports practices and missing when all we had to do was run errands on the weekends. But even now, the social calendar and obligations will begin to pile up, and out of nowhere, my entire fall season will be completely booked. I'll think I have all of the time in the world, until I realize that I have a wedding/football party/anniversary trip/birthday celebration/holiday that weekend, and we'll just have to find more time.

But things will slow down when the fall is over, right? Ha! Sure it will.

But I say, "Bring it on!" Bring on the tailgating! The giant inflatable Stay Puft Marshmallow Man going in our yard this year for Halloween! The weddings! The cooking! The travel! Bring on the Pumpkin Spice Latte's! Bring on the chips! BRING ON THE DIP! And bring on the runny noses, the sweater weather, and endless pursuit for an infant Slimer costume. I'm ready. I'm ready for all of it.

Have a wonderful August, ya'll. I have had an amazing summer, but I am grateful to see it go. Until then, enjoy this picture of my country princess chasing bubbles in a diaper on a wrap around porch.

Love,
Dominique

Of Mud Pies and Mail Merges

Happy Friday everyone! I hope everyone had a great week.

This past Monday, I started my new adventure as a full time unpaid mom and part time paid assistant. So far, I think things have gone really well, and the transition has been fairly smooth. I do, however, feel like I've learned a lot about what's going to be "the new norm" around here, and some of it was expected, and some of it was - well - surprising.

1) My 20 hours a week position is really more like 30. I say this because I have to leave my house close to an hour before work to get baby boo to school in time, and it takes us a good full hour to get home in the afternoons with 5pm traffic. This means most nights we are getting home just in time for our dinner and the three B's - bath, books and bed. And with baby boo not napping at all during the day this week (more on that later) she's pretty ready to hit the hay at 7.

2) And speaking of baths, we are having to adjust to a bath every night now. Raising a child with eczema means that we generally used to bathe every other night to keep her skin from drying out, and when we did our first round of daycare, this was fine. She wasn't even walking yet, so outside play didn't often happen. Now she comes home filthy. Happy, but absolutely filthy. Don't get me wrong - I love that she is getting some outdoor play time - but I also learned that the same girl that likes to walk around my house in my sunglasses and carrying my purse also really loves the mud.

3) Napping may become a thing of the past - unless I adjust her sleeping schedule. Again. Any mom will tell you that sleep training at any stage is the WORST. Veteran moms will tell you to bust out the earplugs and turn off the monitor, because you're in for a lot of screaming. However, this might be a necessary evil for me, because we have to go to daycare smack in the middle of her nap time. This results in her falling asleep every day in the car on the way there, and then not napping at all at school. This makes for a cranky baby at night, and we don't get to spend much time with her when we get home. So, I have to make the choice to either live with this and hope she adjusts to sleeping at school, or move  up nap time, lose valuable morning time with her, and push back bed time. Which is also cutting into my me and Chris time, but an hour extra with her is worth it.

4)I don't miss her that much. *GASP*
How could I admit to that? Because it's true. I love my baby boo (can't you tell? I talk about her all. the. time.) And I am ready to see her every afternoon, but I look forward to my four glorious, quiet, toddler free hours in the afternoon. Even now, as I type this up at home, she's running up to me every five minutes to hand me various things she's collecting - magnets, socks, a piece of grass on the floor. I feel like part time work is a good mix for me. We get to eat our breakfast together, watch a little Peg + Cat, and run our errands like going to the grocery store. And then I get to pass her off to a set of people who will wear her out, and about 11 more little kids for her to play with.

5) Working makes me feel like we can finally move forward with our future plans. Living on unemployment was fun, but it was borrowed time, and we always knew it. Securing a (hopefully)  permanent position makes me feel like we can finally start talking about the things we are planning for our future, like a bigger car or second baby. Now, we are not planning on throwing these things into the mix any time soon. It would be wise to see how things go with this new job for the next few months before going all-in on a bigger life change. But the window is opening, and the fresh air smells wonderful!

Thanks as always for listening. Here's hoping that "the new norm" is better than ever before. I have a good feeling about all of this!

Love,
Dominique

Violet the Hun - The Difference in Daycare the Second Time Around

Good afternoon and Happy Monday!

Even though my rejoining of the gainfully employed doesn't begin until next week, we have already had a taste of what daycare is going to be like this time around through my subbing experiences. Today, as I delighted in the enthralling conversations of three year olds, my daughter the hurricane was terrorizing her teachers in the toddler room.

Now that's a bit of an exaggeration. Her teacher would tell you that she was fine, and sweet, and a good eater, and these things are mostly true - but we had our first ugly experience with the dark side today.

Violet bit her teacher. Bit - for the first time ever - because he teacher "had the nerve" to try and fix her mop of a ponytail spout that was sticking straight up from her head. I immediately felt terror. I had dealt with biters before. "Three strikes and you're out," I thought. "Great. I've got 'the biter.'"

Honestly, my once chill baby has become a full on toddler terror at certain points in  her day (I'll give you a hint - they generally happen around food time and nap time) and I've been noticing it for weeks. Her frustrating "hulk outs" that I once found funny have now started to worry me. Her "noodling" when she doesn't want to be picked up is now followed closely by a face-down-on-the-floor-screaming tantrum is someone tries to take something from her - even if it's just to give it back to the person she stole it from in the first place.

But a biter? Please, God, no! Those precious little scattered chicklets that look adorable when she smiles are actually fierce weapons, and I would know - I have been on the receiving end of a clamped down jaw during toothbrush time.

This is a problem for me. How do I discipline a 17 month old? How do I emphasize "No bite!" when "Bite" is not even a word she literally knows the meaning of yet? Time out, people say. Ok, I can do that. But where? The only chair her size is her comfy chair, and I don't want that associated with punishment. And her crib? Not a chance - that is one of the only places she finds solace enough to sleep. Her packnplay? How will I ever do laundry again when every time I place her in her safe space that she screams with distress? I am really at a loss.

And it hurts. You know it hurts. It's easy to tell someone else's kid "No!" or put them, screaming and flailing, in a time out chair. But your own? It's heartbreaking. I start to think, "Where did I go wrong?! I am so embarrassed. Every mother or caregiver here thinks I coddle my child too much. They are all telling each other how bad she is."

But that's not true. No one is talking. Everyone who has ever experienced a toddler knows they are unpredictable at best. That they simply can't voice their anger or frustrations, and that kids bite. Some of them do. Mine did.

And she might never do it again. Or I might be remarking to someone someday about how my kid was a biter, and you'd never know it because she's so sweet, right?

So my new questions to daycare givers will not be things like "When is nap time? How many bottles of milk do I need to bring?" It's going to be more like "How do you discipline? Do you send accident reports? How much does she need to be bleeding before I have to come get her?" Just kidding on that last one. Kind of.

Anyway, pray for V that the biting does not continue. And please pray for me and Chris to be able to nip that in the bud and figure out a good solution.

Happy Monday everyone! Cheers to an early bedtime for everyone in this house!

Love,
Dominique

Let's Catch Up, Shall We?

Good morning and happy Thursday! It is Thursday, right? I seriously lose track some days. Between trying to figure how to fit in a protein that isn't hotdogs or bologna for my daughter and the seemingly endless amount of laundry, the days tend to run together.

It also doesn't help that these past few (years?) weeks have been crazy for us. What started with an exhaustingly fun beach trip at the beginning of this month turned into a whirlwind of illness, injury, job hunting, house cleaning, shower throwing and is now going to be wrapped up nicely with a southern style cookout to celebrate my 31st birthday on Saturday.

To say I am tired is and understatement. However, some really great (and really terrible, but let's focus on the positive) things have been happening around here. V is 16 months, and full blown running through the house now. Her favorite things to do include take things from our bathroom and carry them around, wear both of daddy's hats at once, and watch Dinosaur Train. Don't even get me started on our PBS Kids. I have so many questions, it's ridiculous. She also has learned how to climb on our bed from our pet stairs for pug, and as a direct result of this, fell off of our bed for the first time the other day.

She's fine. She banged up her face a little bit, but nothing terrible. The worst thing we've encountered this month was a rough bout with Hand Foot and Mouth Disease. HFM is a virus that causes fever, painful sores on the mouth, hands and feet, and neediness beyond compare. For about 8 full days, I dealt with constant crying, needing to be held, motrin resistance and the worst part - no eating - and still managed to throw a baby shower at my house in the midst of all of it. I have to admit I shed a few tears myself, but when your chunky toddler's cheeks start to look hollow and she's wailing in your ear - you try to keep it together.

Thankfully she's over all of it, and is now back to her silly self and eating everything in sight like she has some catching up to do. And after what felt like the worst week in my year, I am now turning around having a pretty good week.

I have been searching for a part time job, and in the spirit of being aggressive about it, I have been shotgunning my resume to various companies. Finally, some of this has paid off, and I have an interview next week, a sub job next week, and my recruiter called me yesterday about what could possibly be the most promising opportunity. Fingers crossed, I find something soon. As much as I don't want to leave my baby boo, an outside interest (that pays me) will be good for the whole fam.

So now as I prepare to close out my 31st year of life (it's true, you know it) I am very hopeful for the future of our family. All it's going to take is a little elbow grease, some confidence, some budgeting and some determination, and I feel like we'll be in a great position.

Happy Thursday everyone!

Love,
Dominique

Seasons

Usually when someone mentions the word "Seasons," I think "Summer and Winter." Which are the only two seasons Alabama participates in. However, lately I've been having to remind myself that a season can also apply to a time in your life that may be good or bad, and is, as everything tends to be - temporary.

I've had a hard time lately. I've been conspicuously absent from my writing lately, because I haven't wanted to talk about it. It's not fun, it's not clever or light-hearted. But I will do my best to approach it with my usual batch of sarcasm.

We are struggling. As you may recall, I have been riding the unemployment train since January, and taking advantage of this time to stay with my favorite girl. Well, government hand outs don't last forever (even if there are people out there who seem to make it their job to make them last forever) and soon we will have to make a choice as to whether or not going back to work will be in my future.

Chris works so hard for this family. He's great at his job, and his small company has been good to this family. However, with small businesses come some setbacks, and growth tends to be one of them. Luckily, my brilliant husband has found a way to restructure his responsibilities at work, and his ideas have been positively received by the owner. I'm sure he wouldn't want me to talk about this. I'm certain he would rather me tell everyone that he's applying to NASA and I'll never have to work again. But the truth is, I'm proud of him. One of the advantages of where he is now is that his schedule is very considerate to this family. And he knows that. And he wants to keep that. Money is definitely not everything.

That being said, even with the restructure, it will be probably prudent for me to start looking for a part time position somewhere. The problem with part time work is the math of it all. A full time job is generally salaried, whereas part time tends to be more on an hourly basis. They also tend to be more on the lower scale of responsibility, which means that they are on the lower scale of pay. Part time work does not mean half of what you were making before.

But, part time daycare tends to add up to almost exactly half of what we were paying before. Meaning, I'm bringing in less money, and paying about the same for the amount of care I need. It hardly makes it worth it if you are working to bring in extra income. Get it? So, my options are limited. Either I , A) find a great paying part time job or B) find a job at a daycare facility with lowered or free tuition for employees, or C)find a job that I really really love to do that will make it all worth it.

But I love my job now. This is what I want to do. So C seems a bit out of the question. In a perfect world, I would be getting paid $20 an hour at a daycare that I love with free tuition for Violet. So if you know of that job, for goodness sake - let me know! I'm pretty great with kids!

But I know this is all a season. Every single member of my family has gone through hardship at some point in their lives, and we always pull through. We Grants are survivors. And we Kings are resilient. And for now, I have a lot of great things going on for the summer with my family and friends. So even if this season of my life is harder than I would like it be right now, this season of summer fun is going to be amazing. And I still get to spend it with my favorite girl. Even if maybe it's a little less time.

Happy Thursday everyone!

Love,
Dominique

Sorry, Not Sorry

Good morning!

I know I've been absent for over a week now. It's not for lack of things to talk about, but more that I have so much jumbled in this tiny head of mine that I haven't been able to focus much on any one thing. So, I decided to file it all away and talk about something that really bothers me lately.

Now, I just may be overly sensitive (hey, I've been accused of it before), but lately I have been seeing a lot of posts from various sources aimed at the "anti-children" movement. Some of are meant in jest, some are more serious, some are just plain crazy, but they all have one thing in common: An unapologetic open letter basically sticking it to anyone who chose to have kids.

Now, I must say, I agree with the articles that focus on the "it's no one's business if I want kids or when." kind of message. They are absolutely right. Kids aren't for everyone, and you never know someone's secret struggle. And of course it's ok to not want kids. Why wouldn't it be?

But to attack the parenting world with posts like "Top 10 Things You Wish your Friends with Kids Would Stop Doing," is just unnecessary.

Here's the hard truth: Kids change your life. And in a lot of circumstances, like mine, they BECOME your life. It's hard not to focus 100% on someone who needs you to do most everything for them 24/7 for a while. I've fairly recently started living by the motto "You chose this life." (Ask Chris, boy does he hate it when I say that to him!) If you don't want to see pics of my kid on social media, by all means, unfollow or unfriend me. If you don't want to hear about my kid, don't ask me about my day. Because I promise you, it involves 90% my child, and 10% the episode of House I got to watch while she was asleep.

If you don't want to hear my opinion on those articles asking me to stop mom-blogging, please - stop reading my blog. Don't click that link. It contains nothing you want to see or read.

The fact is, I love being a mom and all that comes with it. And I, for one, love sharing those experiences via social media or my blog with other moms, and other people who are truly interested in what my life is like. This is it, ya'll. Poopie diapers and precious smiles. Frustrating days, and moments I wish would never end.

This is me. It's not ALL of who I am, but let's face it - it's a good, fat chunk right now. And I'm going to continue to share my pictures, and I'm going to continue to ask mom questions, and I'm going to continue to write this blog and rant and rave about various things, mom related or not.

True friends and family will always accept when a big change happens in our lives, even if that change is not really wanted/welcomed/or is really, really annoying. So come on people, be kind to people who want kids. Or don't want kids. Both choices are great, and incredibly personal.

Rant over. Happy Tuesday! I hope all of my friends with kids enjoy their family day, and I hope all of my friends without kids enjoy their day doing whatever it is you do with no kids. (Seriously, I can't remember.)

Love,
Dominique

Feminism and the Gilmore Girls

Good morning!

I have started this new every day thing, where Violet has a snack while I clean the kitchen, and we watch an episode or two of Gilmore Girls. Did you know that Lorelei is supposed to be just a year older than me in this show? Seems odd. She looks older. Acts older. Maybe that's the point - that she had to grow up fast because she had her daughter at 16.

Anyway, this particular episode was really centered on Rory and her boyfriend of the time, Dean. It begins with a (hinted at) long standing tradition of Rory and her mother watching episodes of Donna Reed, and poking fun at all things 50s about them, as they usually do. Rory's boyfriend, Dean, enters the conversation, and points out that maybe it isn't so bad that Donna Reed cooks every meal for her family. The Gilmores are appalled. How dare he?! Donna Reed is what everything is wrong about the 50s, right? The whole, "Barefoot and pregnant" era.

The episode continues in usual fashion, but the argument rears its ugly head once more. Dean points out that maybe she liked doing those things. Maybe it's a nice idea that a woman would want to cook dinner and clean the house and provide that for her family. He then goes on to say his own mother did this.

I have to say, I agree with Dean. I used to think that it was such an antiquated idea. Dinner on the table by five, staying at home with the kids. Being in charge of the laundry, and dishes while the husband works.

I was a working mom once. I felt I had an equal partnership with my husband. And then I got let go. And you know what happened? Nothing about that changed. I was thrown into a role I never thought I wanted, and I STILL feel every bit as equal to my husband (Sometimes superior! haha, just kidding.)

I don't cook in this house. Sure, I can make a few things, but I prefer for Chris to do all of the cooking. Everything he makes just tastes better. Maybe because I don't enjoy the effort. But I do most of the laundry, the cleaning, and taking care of the baby. And I want to do those things. I'm good at it. It makes my days go by faster, and my nights more relaxed because, for once, I have the time to keep a fairly clean house.

And I know many others who feel the same way. Feminism is not fighting the stereotypical roles, it's fighting for the choice to do what you want to do, not what you have to or is expected of you. I am not expected to stay home. I am not expected to clean the kitchen, or do the laundry. I am expected to take care of the baby all day, because frankly, no one else is around to do it, and it's kind of my job description right now.

I do these things because I want to do them. And if I ever don't want to, my husband will be just fine with that.

That being said, I still love the Gilmore Girls. I only hope I can have as good of a relationship as that with my own daughter some day. A good balance between parent and friend. But probably more on the parent side.

Happy Wednesday!

Love,
Dominique