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Friday, July 18, 2014

Of Mud Pies and Mail Merges

Happy Friday everyone! I hope everyone had a great week.

This past Monday, I started my new adventure as a full time unpaid mom and part time paid assistant. So far, I think things have gone really well, and the transition has been fairly smooth. I do, however, feel like I've learned a lot about what's going to be "the new norm" around here, and some of it was expected, and some of it was - well - surprising.

1) My 20 hours a week position is really more like 30. I say this because I have to leave my house close to an hour before work to get baby boo to school in time, and it takes us a good full hour to get home in the afternoons with 5pm traffic. This means most nights we are getting home just in time for our dinner and the three B's - bath, books and bed. And with baby boo not napping at all during the day this week (more on that later) she's pretty ready to hit the hay at 7.

2) And speaking of baths, we are having to adjust to a bath every night now. Raising a child with eczema means that we generally used to bathe every other night to keep her skin from drying out, and when we did our first round of daycare, this was fine. She wasn't even walking yet, so outside play didn't often happen. Now she comes home filthy. Happy, but absolutely filthy. Don't get me wrong - I love that she is getting some outdoor play time - but I also learned that the same girl that likes to walk around my house in my sunglasses and carrying my purse also really loves the mud.

3) Napping may become a thing of the past - unless I adjust her sleeping schedule. Again. Any mom will tell you that sleep training at any stage is the WORST. Veteran moms will tell you to bust out the earplugs and turn off the monitor, because you're in for a lot of screaming. However, this might be a necessary evil for me, because we have to go to daycare smack in the middle of her nap time. This results in her falling asleep every day in the car on the way there, and then not napping at all at school. This makes for a cranky baby at night, and we don't get to spend much time with her when we get home. So, I have to make the choice to either live with this and hope she adjusts to sleeping at school, or move  up nap time, lose valuable morning time with her, and push back bed time. Which is also cutting into my me and Chris time, but an hour extra with her is worth it.

4)I don't miss her that much. *GASP*
How could I admit to that? Because it's true. I love my baby boo (can't you tell? I talk about her all. the. time.) And I am ready to see her every afternoon, but I look forward to my four glorious, quiet, toddler free hours in the afternoon. Even now, as I type this up at home, she's running up to me every five minutes to hand me various things she's collecting - magnets, socks, a piece of grass on the floor. I feel like part time work is a good mix for me. We get to eat our breakfast together, watch a little Peg + Cat, and run our errands like going to the grocery store. And then I get to pass her off to a set of people who will wear her out, and about 11 more little kids for her to play with.

5) Working makes me feel like we can finally move forward with our future plans. Living on unemployment was fun, but it was borrowed time, and we always knew it. Securing a (hopefully)  permanent position makes me feel like we can finally start talking about the things we are planning for our future, like a bigger car or second baby. Now, we are not planning on throwing these things into the mix any time soon. It would be wise to see how things go with this new job for the next few months before going all-in on a bigger life change. But the window is opening, and the fresh air smells wonderful!

Thanks as always for listening. Here's hoping that "the new norm" is better than ever before. I have a good feeling about all of this!

Love,
Dominique




Monday, July 7, 2014

Violet the Hun - The Difference in Daycare the Second Time Around



Good afternoon and Happy Monday!

Even though my rejoining of the gainfully employed doesn't begin until next week, we have already had a taste of what daycare is going to be like this time around through my subbing experiences. Today, as I delighted in the enthralling conversations of three year olds, my daughter the hurricane was terrorizing her teachers in the toddler room.

Now that's a bit of an exaggeration. Her teacher would tell you that she was fine, and sweet, and a good eater, and these things are mostly true - but we had our first ugly experience with the dark side today.

Violet bit her teacher. Bit - for the first time ever - because he teacher "had the nerve" to try and fix her mop of a ponytail spout that was sticking straight up from her head. I immediately felt terror. I had dealt with biters before. "Three strikes and you're out," I thought. "Great. I've got 'the biter.'"

Honestly, my once chill baby has become a full on toddler terror at certain points in  her day (I'll give you a hint - they generally happen around food time and nap time) and I've been noticing it for weeks. Her frustrating "hulk outs" that I once found funny have now started to worry me. Her "noodling" when she doesn't want to be picked up is now followed closely by a face-down-on-the-floor-screaming tantrum is someone tries to take something from her - even if it's just to give it back to the person she stole it from in the first place.

But a biter? Please, God, no! Those precious little scattered chicklets that look adorable when she smiles are actually fierce weapons, and I would know - I have been on the receiving end of a clamped down jaw during toothbrush time.

This is a problem for me. How do I discipline a 17 month old? How do I emphasize "No bite!" when "Bite" is not even a word she literally knows the meaning of yet? Time out, people say. Ok, I can do that. But where? The only chair her size is her comfy chair, and I don't want that associated with punishment. And her crib? Not a chance - that is one of the only places she finds solace enough to sleep. Her packnplay? How will I ever do laundry again when every time I place her in her safe space that she screams with distress? I am really at a loss.

And it hurts. You know it hurts. It's easy to tell someone else's kid "No!" or put them, screaming and flailing, in a time out chair. But your own? It's heartbreaking. I start to think, "Where did I go wrong?! I am so embarrassed. Every mother or caregiver here thinks I coddle my child too much. They are all telling each other how bad she is."

But that's not true. No one is talking. Everyone who has ever experienced a toddler knows they are unpredictable at best. That they simply can't voice their anger or frustrations, and that kids bite. Some of them do. Mine did.

And she might never do it again. Or I might be remarking to someone someday about how my kid was a biter, and you'd never know it because she's so sweet, right?

So my new questions to daycare givers will not be things like "When is nap time? How many bottles of milk do I need to bring?" It's going to be more like "How do you discipline? Do you send accident reports? How much does she need to be bleeding before I have to come get her?" Just kidding on that last one. Kind of.

Anyway, pray for V that the biting does not continue. And please pray for me and Chris to be able to nip that in the bud and figure out a good solution.

Happy Monday everyone! Cheers to an early bedtime for everyone in this house!

Love,
Dominique