The past 6 months have been some of the happiest, saddest, most frustrating, most rewarding and most of all - confusing - times of my life. For all of you mothers out there, who have been there, are going there now or are about to be there - here's what I've learned over the first half of Violet's first year:
1) I can't do it all. I used to think I could multitask like a BOSS, but ever since this tiny, time consuming creature has come into my life, things have fallen through the cracks like never before. My house is rarely clean. My bills are barely paid on time. I am the most forgetful I have ever been in my life. Baby brain is very real, and it sometimes sucks. Which brings us to point number 2.
2) My brain is mush now. Anything not baby related is simply no longer a priority, and therefore does not earn a spot in my memory receptacles. This includes (but is not limited to) important dates, extra curricular activities, to-dos, promises, etc. I'm very sorry. I'm hoping this condition improves with time.
3) I want to be just like my mother. The age old joke of the fear of turning into your mother could be very real for you - if your mom is Joan Crawford. My mom, however, is one of the greatest people I've ever known. Not only does she rock at mom-hood, but she's an excellent wife, teacher, and productive member of society. She's the type of woman who can hold it all together, and make you believe you CAN do it all. Even if she can't. And we all know it. Because no mom can. Even the best ones.
4) I don't miss my so-called "freedom." Sure, I'd love to see a movie every now and then, but honestly having a baby has done nothing to hinder my enjoyment of life. I never was one to bar hop, or spontaneously take a trip somewhere. My cozy homebody life just now includes an adorable playmate who constantly wants to hang out with me, so, score!
5) I may never spend money on myself again. Amazing how five little onesies with various farm animals on them completely trumps my need for new work shoes. I may be ragged, but my daughter will always be in style!
6) Motherhood brings people together. I'm not saying it's some exclusive club, but it has prompted me to become closer to people I may not have before - simply over the shared experience of having a child. All children are different, but the frustration and confusion of it all can be eerily similar to what several other moms have gone through.
7)Being a working mother is incredibly hard. Much harder than I thought it would be. I've missed several days lately because she was sick, then I was sick, then she was sick, then I was sick. It's like having one half of your body somewhere else and exposed to new and different germs all of the time.
8) Sometimes I want things to pause and fast forward all at the same time. Some days when she's feeling particularly needy, and she doesn't want to be put down, and my arm is about to fall off from walking around with her attached to my hip, I just think "When will she be a little more independent?!" and then that same day as she's stretched across my lap asleep, her hands above her head and milk dribbling down her chin, I think "Why can't she stay this tiny forever?" It's a constant battle with myself.
9)I would die for my child. In a heartbeat. I wouldn't even hesitate to push her out from in front of a bus and take the hit myself. Her life is so much more precious to me than my own, and I intend to give her every shot at it she's got.
10) I have so very much more to learn. I've grown exponentially since I had my sweet baby, but I know now more than ever that it's only just beginning. In 6 more months she might be walking and talking and 6 more months from then she might be singing and dancing with rhythm (or not, I mean, she is MY kid), and then she'll be a toddler, and maybe a big sister. I know it will all go by in a flash, and as much as I think my life has changed now, I know things are only going to change more and more as she gets older. I guess I better get used to that. And always keep some wine stocked.
Happy 6 months, my darling baby. You're the best adventure I've ever had!
Love,
Dominique
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